One thing we hear in the debate on sexuality is that this is a private matter. What two consenting adults agree to do is their business. This sounds plausible to us. Who are we to go into the bedroom of another? There is only one problem with this idea. It is completely false. How so?
Consensual does not equal moral. Because two people agree to do something, it is not automatically right. Two people could agree to beat each other for instance. That would not mean that mutilation would be okay. Two people can agree to use illegal drugs together. That does not make it right.
Now, I’m not saying in this though that we are to storm into the bedrooms of people and see what they are doing. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am saying though that we can hold them accountable because that is the nature of sexuality. It is a public matter open to be discussed. (And if it isn’t, why is it constantly being discussed everywhere?)
I have a good friend who is married. She is one of the kindest souls I know and every now and then, she’ll tell me that her and her husband have a special evening planned. My reply is something like “oooooooh” to which I’ll be told “Go watch an episode of Smallville” or something like that.
But I assure you, as soon as she says it, she knows where my mind is going. We don’t necessarily keep such things private. A lady can come to a group of other ladies smiling in the morning and they know why. Married men I know tell me that they expect a special evening on their birthdays.
Here’s the biggest clue though that this is public. You and I are here. Now as soon as you see any human being, you know what has been going on. Every person you see is a result of sexual intercourse. When my friend comes to me and tells me his wife is expecting, I don’t have to ask “How’d that happen?” I know how it happened.
And because it’s public, we can hold each other accountable.
I can go to my friend who is married if I am a good friend and say “How is it going? Are you treating your wife right? Are you staying faithful to her? Are you avoiding sexual sin?” I don’t have to have the details of the bedroom. I don’t want them. I can though hold him to the biblical standards and make sure he is living right.
This applies to dating couples also. If I should meet a lady soon and get to take her out, my roommate has every right to ask me when I get home after an evening with her if I stayed pure. In fact, I would hope that he would do so. Now granted, there are some questions that couldn’t be asked, and those are obvious. However, he may most definitely ask if I’m keeping it pure. I may not like it, but I need it.
That could be something that could keep sexual sin at a minimum today. If men would come together and be accountable and women come together and be accountable, I think it would do much good. Unfortunately, we have this idea that it is private and then it’s not my place to ask.
It is your place. If you care about your brother or sister in Christ, you may surely ask if their walk is right. This is not a private matter. It is one that will effect how we live in the eyes of the community.
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