Month: June 2008

I had someone leave a comment yesterday here who I believe is LDS. If I am mistaken, I apologize. Part of it is that they spoke about how Christians treat other Christians and indicated LDS members by that other Christians part. Now I do agree that Christians don’t treat LDS members right often, but I cannot place LDS members as Christians in any sense of the word.

That is, of course, not to say anything against LDS members as people. We have the missionaries visiting us now and I think the world of these guys. They’re great guys and meeting with them is one of the highlights of my week. These are some guys I’d love to just hang out with sometimes. I do have great respect for their devotion and their willingness to be in evangelism. Take a note of this Christians! We could learn something from the Mormons and JWs on being out there in evangelism.

However, there are too many differences. The Mormon church would have to do a lot of reforming before they could be considered orthodox. (That’d also include dropping the BOM, the D&C, the teachings of Joseph Smith and their other prophets, etc. When that is dropped, it is a wonder what they would end up calling their denomination.)

Let’s start with the big one though. What about the doctrine of God. For starters, Christianity is monotheistic. We are monotheistic and Trinitarian however. The Trinity is rooted in monotheism. The one who refers to the Trinity as a belief in three gods simply does not know what the doctrine of the Trinity really teaches.

Yet Mormonism has the number of gods wrong even. Listen to what Mormon apostle Bruce McConkie says in his work, Mormon Doctrine. The following can be found in the section “God”:

There are three gods–The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost–who, though separate in personality, are united as one in purpose, in plan, and in all the attributes of perfection. [end quote]

Interestingly, when he gets to Godhead, he says:

Though each God in the Godhead is a personage, separate and distinct from each of the others, yet they are “one God” (Testimony of Three Witnesses in Book of Mormon), meaning they are united as one in the attributes of perfection. [end quote]

Which is it? How can you say “each God” and have one God? How can you say they are three gods and one God? Christianity has no problem. We see three different persons who are not one person. We also see that each fully partakes of the nature of God, but yet there is one God. No doubt, there is much difficult to understand in Trinitarianism, but the way to avoid that is not to go with heresy.

But what about this God who is there? Is he the same? Well, no. Let’s look at the famous “King Follett” sermon that Joseph Smith gave:

God himself was once as we are now, and is an exalted man, and sits enthroned in yonder heavens! That is the great secret. If the veil were rent today, and the great God who holds this world in its orbit, and who upholds all worlds and all things by His power, was to make himself visible—I say, if you were to see him today, you would see him like a man in form—like yourselves in all the person, image, and very form as a man; for Adam was created in the very fashion, image and likeness of God, and received instruction from, and walked, talked and conversed with Him, as one man talks and communes with another.

In order to understand the subject of the dead, for consolation of those who mourn for the loss of their friends, it is necessary we should understand the character and being of God and how He came to be so; for I am going to tell you how God came to be God. We have imagined and supposed that God was God from all eternity. I will refute that idea, and take away the veil, so that you may see.

These ideas are incomprehensible to some, but they are simple. It is the first principle of the gospel to know for a certainty the character of God, and to know that we may converse with Him as one man converses with another, and that He was once a man like us; yea, that God himself, the Father of us all, dwelt on an earth, the same as Jesus Christ Himself did; and I will show it from the Bible.

I wish I was in a suitable place to tell it, and that I had the trump of an archangel, so that I could tell the story in such a manner that persecution would cease forever. What did Jesus say? (Mark it, Elder Rigdon!) The scriptures inform us that Jesus said, as the Father hath power in himself, even so hath the Son power—to do what? Why, what the Father did. The answer is obvious—in a manner to lay down his body and take it up again. Jesus, what are you going to do? To lay down my life as my Father did, and take it up again. Do you believe it? If you do not believe it you do not believe the Bible. The scriptures say it, and I defy all the learning and wisdom and all the combined powers of earth and hell together to refute it. Here, then, is eternal life—to know the only wise and true God; and you have got to learn how to be gods yourselves, and to be kings and priests to God, the same as all gods have done before you, namely, by going from one small degree to another, and from a small capacity to a great one; from grace to grace, from exaltation to exaltation, until you attain to the resurrection of the dead, and are able to dwell in everlasting burnings, and to sit in glory, as do those who sit enthroned in everlasting power. And I want you to know that God, in the last days, while certain individuals are proclaiming His name, is not trifling with you or me. [end quote]

I urge the reader to read the rest here:

http://emp.byui.edu/ANDERSONKC/431readings_files/readings/Rel431ReadingFile.W2003/thekingfollettsermon.smith.htm

Thus, God is not God eternally. He eventually became God. As Lorenzo Snow, earlier Mormon president said “As man is, God once was. As God is, man may become.” Philosophically speaking, there are so many problems with an infinite regress here and transversing an infinite that it’s unbelievable. Biblically, you have verses like Isaiah 43:10.

However, that’s not all….

In their Scripture, Doctrines and Covenants, we read in 130:22 that, “The Father has a body of flesh and bones as tangible as man’s.”

Now I have not put up the whole verse for it’s not relevant, but anyone who wants to can do so! That way, they can be assured I have not taken things out of context.

Compare that though to John 4:24 saying that God is Spirit and note that when the Israelites made an idol to represent YHWH in Exodus, they did not make an image of a man.

Thus, the god of Mormonism I conclude is not the God of the Bible. Naturally, I’ve only scratched the surface here, but I think it has been shown enough for most to see. Now if Mormonism wants to show me in error, let them do so. They’ll have to do so from the Bible that has been accepted as orthodox for centuries and which writings alone I place my ultimate trust in.

I wrote yesterday about going to the Mormon church. It was truly a saddening event especially as I saw the youth. They’d stand up and talk about the joy of God and following Jesus and I was thinking, “You don’t have the joy of the real God and you’re not following the real Jesus.” I still stand by that. I don’t stand by it because I like it. I stand by it because it’s true.

It’s not just the youth of course. It’s everyone. These people have their whole lives revolving around Mormonism. Their church life is Mormon. Their jobs are Mormon. Their friends and family are Mormon. To break away from Mormonism is to change everything and we lose sight of just how serious that change is for a Mormon.

Right now, there are millions of Mormons and the number is growing every day. In fact, Mormonism could be the next world religion. Of course, they’re nowhere near the number of Protestant Christians or the number of Muslims even, but the number around the world is growing. This visit made me realize how many Mormons live where I live.

Yet who will reach them?

In fact, who is even trying?

They come and knock on our doors and what do so many of us do? We say “Not interested” or we slam the door in their faces. Friends. I can understand being annoyed, but you’re not going to get them to the gospel that way. You’re only going to increase a persecution complex. If you can’t meet with them then, at least say “Guys, this is a really bad time. Can we arrange another date?”

“But I don’t know how to talk to Mormons!”

First off then, you need to study some. These guys are studying as well before they go out. You need to study also. Most especially, I would rather you know your Bible well than you know their Scriptures well. If it has to be one or the other, make the emphasis be to study the Christian Bible, especially getting a good grounding in doctrines like the Trinity and the Atonement.

Second off, call a good friend over who can help. I had a friend call me in my old town once because he was dealing with Jehovah’s Witnesses and he wanted me to come over. I was more than happy to do so. Talk to your pastor and see if there is someone at your church who is really good at dealing with Mormons. See if they’d be willing to meet with you with the Mormons and even better, see if they’d be willing to train you.

Third, pray. This is something that needs to be done for these people regularly. If we change our religion, it usually isn’t as big a shift as it is for these people. You must remember their whole lives are drenched in Mormonism. To ask them to change is not a small thing. It is a huge and monumental thing. Remember also that you must have something in its place. Don’t knock off the cane of Mormonism from under them unless you give them something else to walk with, particularly the Christ of Scripture.

Fourth, have your testimony ready. Testimonies mean a lot to these people. I don’t place much stock in testimonies, but if it’ll help bring a Mormon to Jesus Christ, then do it! Make sure everything you say is true of course, but you need to be sure you know what difference Christ has made in your life and it needs to be more than a feeling.

The Mormons are growing more and more and they can be reached. They just need people willing to show the love of Christ and reach them. How about you? Are you doing what you can to reach Mormons today, or are you just hoping they go away?

Today was my first visit to a Mormon church service. We’ve had missionaries visiting us for awhile. I think the world of these guys. They’re great guys. I think they’re entirely wrong though and that saddens me. Still, my roommate and I try to be as nice as we can and answer their questions as gently as possible, as well as the friend of ours that often joins us and joined me at church this morning.

At the service, we heard many accounts, and all the time we kept hearing the word testimony. If you’ve been with the Mormons before, this is the key point. Missionaries are instructed to work on their testimony. It is their spiritual witness that testifies to them that the BOM is true. Unfortunately, that’s the only grounds I’ve seen thus far.

Now I’ll tell you that all of these Mormons I’ve seen are incredibly nice people and this is one area our churches do need work in. Are we really welcoming to sinners? When someone comes to church, are they a guest of honor or are they someone who parks in our parking spot and sits in our spot in the pew? Do we really want to see them there?

Now I’ll also grant that some of you are a lot better at that than some of us are. I am not the kind of person that can go up to a total stranger and initiate a conversation unless I know something about them or have some reason to do so. Some of you do have that gift. God bless you. Better you than me. If that’s the case, then I ask you to do what you can to make someone feel welcome.

Getting back to the visit, my heart was saddened really. I see people in these beliefs as good people really, but they’re serving a false god. It makes you think of the passage where Jesus says “Depart from me. I never knew you.” How many people are going to hear that? How many of them are going to hear that after thinking they have in fact been serving him?

How many people will it be? Isn’t it up to the church to do something? The Mormon church claims to baptize a Baptist church every week, and I say that as a Baptist! Wouldn’t it be great if we could reverse that trend? Wouldn’t it be great if we could start baptizing a Mormon church every week? What’s keeping us from doing it? It’s us.

And we have something they don’t have. The Mormons have an emotion, and this is why we have to go beyond emotion. It can’t be a testimony of a feeling alone. It has a to be a testimony of Christ. It has to be about Christ as presented in the Old and the New Testaments. It has to be the historical Jesus walking where we can show he walked.

When I test the Bible to see if it is true, I find it archaeologically backed, confirmed to be accurate in the text handed down, filled with prophetic fulfillment, part of a coherent worldview, and livable when it applies to life. I don’t find those in the Mormon Scriptures. I have asked our missionaries and others and in fact, all I get is the testimony.

Friends. We have our testimonies also. We also have them rooted in Scripture that has been tested to be true time and time again. We must go beyond emotion. If we are stuck on emotion, we are prey to any group that comes along. We need emotions that are rooted in facts. What we believe can’t be rooted in our emotions. Our emotions must be rooted in what we believe.

A friend of mine wanted to talk to me recently about a friend of his and his concern for her. He mentioned many twisted things this friend does and how she talks to her mother and her mother just doesn’t know how to handle it. I then heard this friend mention that this friend’s father was in jail and had been arrested for abusing the mother. Ah! The light is shed!

I’ve written much about masculinity and the need for men to be good fathers to their sons. I fully believe that. We need men to embody masculinity. Let’s be clear on the other side of the coin though. We need men to be good fathers to their daughters as well for a father needs to show his daughter what masculinity is like, not to emulate it, but because if she plans to marry, he needs to show her the kind of man she needs to marry, but in any relationship with men she’ll have be it friendly or business, he needs to show her what a real man is like and not a fake man.

As for mothers, they need to be good mothers to their sons. In the same way, mothers need to be good representatives of femininity to the young men they raise. Not so that the men will emulate this, but so that they will have a good idea of what they are to look for when they go out to marry. If they don’t marry, it will help them to recognize real women they meet from fake women at least.

Ideally, that is what is supposed to happen. With so many broken homes today, it sadly doesn’t.

This is about daugthers though.

The view that a child will most often push on God sadly is the view they get of their earthly father. I think about this girl and think that what she saw that was supposed to represent God for her was an abuser who walked all over anyone he could, including his wife. I fear a girl like this grows up not only hating God but hating men.

Sadly, I think this girl hates her own femininity as well. Why? Because she’s seen her mother as an example as being beat down relentlessly. The idea of femininity then becomes one that lets itself be downtrodden and used and made weak. It is a doormat example of femininity. I do believe biblically women are to be submissive to their husbands. They are NOT to be doormats though. Men. Your wife is the one you are to walk through the door, not the one you are to walk on to get in the door.

And that means this girl is going to grow up in a universe that seems absurd and meaningless. God is out of the point because obviously a good God would not let Mom be abused by Dad all these years! (Naturally, I’m not of that opinion, but I am speaking from the way I believe this girl is experiencing reality.) There is only one goal to live for then. That is the satisfaction of one’s desires. This can come in many ways. Power, money, sex, etc.

The first thing I would recommend for this girl is a good father she can love and that is what is so important. We men often want sons, but if a daughter comes along, she needs you just as much. You need to be a man and remember, you need to be the man that when she goes off to find a husband, she says “I want a man like Dad.” When she finds God also, she needs to say “Wow. Dad really did reflect God well.”

I’ve been sick all week and today was the first day I was able to go out into the real world. Honestly, until I was heading back from a meeting, it did not occur to me at all that today was D-Day. I only remember it when hearing someone say on the radio that today was June 6th and we should know what that day is. It then occurred to me that it was D-Day.

The speaker spoke on what happened and while we seem to know what happened, he really spoke on what happened. I found myself getting emotionally gripped as I drove and listened. I heard about what a great day this was in the history of the U.S. Military and in the history of the U.S. period. (Heck. Let’s just say the history of the world. D-Day changed everything.)

Eisenhower wasn’t sure the plan would succeed and they had had to cancel the plan several times because the weather wasn’t permitting. Some say there was divine providence at hand that day as the weather was working in favor of the allied forces. Who is to say indeed that the hand of God was not present and the U.S. Military was his means of eliminating this evil?

The speaker spoke about how it was said that even in training for the event that there were deaths. There were numerous deaths though as the soldiers were just landing on the shores. What was most chilling at this point was hearing about Point-du-Hoc. Here, U.S. Rangers scaled the walls being picked off one-by-one by the German guns at the top, but the Rangers kept coming until they reached the top and won.

I thought about that. How many soldiers kept climbing knowing it likely they’d never see their wives again in this lifetime? They’d never get to hug their children? They’d never share a drink with their friends again? They’d never get to see another sunrise or another sunset? To climb that wall was to be essentially a request to die.

And they did it anyway.

And they won.

A lot of them died of course, but they died knowing that someone behind them was going to go on and carry the fight on. Some of them might have gone knowing they were most likely bullet fodder and they didn’t have a chance of scaling that wall themselves. Apparently, they didn’t care. They knew evil had to be stopped and their desires put aside.

I am not a pacifist, but I believe it was Patton who said “War is Hell.” I agree. It is something that I wish didn’t have to happen. I wish we didn’t have to lock people up in prison, but we do. I am proud of what happened 68 years ago today though. I have great support for our military forces and what they did to bring about the downfall of evil.

And I think we Christians can learn from that also. We can look at the sacrifices these men made. Granted, they died for a great cause, but the greatest cause to live and die for is the cause of Christ. If men are willing to go into known suicide for an earthly cause, how much more should we be willing to face all opposition for a heavenly one?

Men of D-Day! We salute you! If any veteran reads this, you have my salute! Thank you for being willing to die so that I could be free today.

Well readers who have been with me this whole week through my sickness, this is the first day that I haven’t had to lie down on our couch after getting up or wear my robe all day because I’m freezing. (At least thus far. I’ve had my robe on some, but never as cold as I have been. Also, I’d like to say this is Deeper Waters’s 500th blog entry so thanks to all of you who have stuck through the whole way and my sympathies for having to read 500 entries of my stuff.)

Last night though, I am lying on the couch and I am freezing. I’m in my clothes and my robe and I have two blankets on and I’m just feeling miserable. That’s when my roommate walks in and he talks about a conversation he had with the president of the Seminary. Then I asked him if anything else happened. At that, he mentioned three families at the school that are praying for me.

Maybe it’s selfish, but I really wanted to hear that.

It’s quite odd the things we hear sometimes when we’re in this state. My roommate would tell me how people would say to me “Get better.” We send cards to people saying “Get well soon.” Now I say the same thing to people when they’re sick, but isn’t it odd? We say it as if that’s within the person’s power. I have been pondering why we say such thinking there’s some deep mystery to the human soul there. Maybe there is and I just haven’t uncovered it yet.

There is a great comfort in knowing that people are praying for you though. I say that because I really have a hard time with prayer. It’s hard for me to lie down and just do it. (I have a steel rod on my spine. Kneeling for prayer is not a good position.) When I do it though, I sometimes think why I didn’t do it sooner. Especially because so many prayer sessions are great and really leave me feeling good.

Yet as I ponder others praying for me, I picture the throne of God being flooded with requests. People are bringing me to the throne because I also matter to them. I think that these were people who didn’t know me from Adam a year ago and now, they are integral parts of our lives. As soon as my roommate mentions one family name, I know who he’s talking about.

That’s something awesome. Have you considered what it would mean right now that someone is talking to God about you? Maybe they’re praying for your well-being. Maybe for your financial situation, for your love life, for your marriage, for your education, for your family, for your health. Maybe they’re even wanting to be a better friend to you.

I just get astounded as I think that to some people, I matter enough that I can be brought to the throne of God. I’ll admit in some ways, my emotions are not screaming awe right now, though I think they should be, but maybe that’s just not me. Intellectually, there is something there and I ponder if we could latch on to these ideas and really hold them and grasp what they really mean for simply seconds, how much better off we would be.

So for all of you who have been praying for me, I want to say “Thank you. I really appreciate it. It is an honor to be cared for by someone enough that they’ll talk to the sovereign Lord of the universe about me.”

I was checking Peter Kreeft’s website today and saw that he had a new audio presentation up called “Shocking Beauty.” I’m very much interested in the philosophy of beauty and Kreeft is an excellent thinker on many issues, so I decided to listen. It turns out, he spent a lot of time talking about the problem of boredom and especially in churches. When people left Jesus, they were in wonder. No one left him unchanged. They had to either worship him or murder him. In fact, it’s the same today. Everyone either worships Christ or they murder Christ.

Kreeft was quite tacit in his admissions though. He said that while he is a big God fan, he sometimes ponders that he might be a bigger Red Sox fan. He’s more concerned about beating the Yankees than he is about beating the devil. I like such an admission for I think many of us would admit we are in the same sort of situation with things in our lives.

Why aren’t we big God fans though? Why is it that church can’t compare to a stadium during a ball game in excitement? Now in the church I’m at, we have a great emphasis on the life of the mind and informing our people about what we believe. I quite enjoy it. However, there are times I sit during a service and look at my watch anxiously. I don’t seem to do that often during movies though.

Why is it especially in countries supposed to be “Modern” that we have more boredom than third world countries? We have far more channels on our TVs than we’d ever dreamed possible, and yet we can surf through the entire line up and say “There’s nothing on.” We have access to music, movies, video games, etc. and we still grow bored with them.

Some of us might think that we can expect to get bored with material things, but not with things of faith. Yet somehow, we do. There are a lot of times when it’s work to read the Bible. Prayer is something especially hard for us today. We feel like we’re not “doing” anything when we pray. Actually, we’re doing quite a lot, but we’ve lost focus on that.

It is as if our God has been compartmentalized to fit into our lifestyles. Now I will say that there are absolute truths about God and absolute truths that can be known about him. I am not denying that. What I am bringing up is this idea we have that God is all of these attributes, but yet we never seem to ponder what these attributes mean.

We are friends with the most powerful being of all, the smartest being of all, one who is everywhere we go, one who is absolute beauty and absolute truth. This friend never changes and holds our very lives in his hands. We should read through the Scriptures and see what they say when they talk about the power of God and the illustrations they use.

Could it be we’ve also become too familiar with the text? We can read over the miracles Christ did and not really have it register. Everything that takes place in Scripture though is a surprise. The whole story of creation is a shock. Instead, many of us have heard it all our lives and we’ve just grown up taking this great truth for granted.

If there is a verse that should definitely shock us, it’s John 1:14 where it says “The Word became flesh.” Such a thought would be repugnant to the Greeks of the time. The divine intersecting with the human in that way? Shameful! The Jews would have been more open, but they had a hard time believing this teacher wandering their streets was the God they claimed to be in covenant with, especially after he was crucified.

Instead, we tend to go straight through that verse. That verse is the grandest event since the creation. That verse is where God himself came down. How dare we take it lightly! Yet we do! And I do mean we! I’m just as guilty! Let no one think that I am simply condemning everyone else. I realize that I am just as guilty of what I condemn.

What do we need to do? We need to see the truth. We need to see God as he is. We say what we believe about God, but have we taken the time to ponder what that means? God revealed himself in Christ? He did? What does that mean? God is omnipotent? He is? What does that mean? He has adopted us into his family? He has? What does that mean?

It would be impossible for God as he is to bore us and for Christ as he is to bore us. The problem is we’re looking too often at false idols of God we’ve set up in place of the real thing. May God continually grant to us that our false conceptions of him will be destroyed so that we may come to see him as he is and love him all the more.

With my recent sickness, I had stopped at the doctor’s office to make an appointment yesterday and to meet that appointment today. Both days, I see someone who has the bumper sticker from PETA of “Friends don’t chain friends. Keep dogs inside.” Now I’m all for treating animals ethically, but it seems the person making such a request doesn’t realize what they are saying.

We can agree that we would not take out friends and chain them up. However, would we also keep them locked indoors? Could we not change it to read “Friends don’t lock friends up. Let dogs outisde.”? I do not see how the first point is made by bringing about the second line. It seems just as unfriendly to force a friend to stay inside.

The problem with these statements ultimately though is that of a culture that no longer knows what makes human unique. We can say we don’t chain up our friends. However, we will put our dogs on chains. We will take our cats and lock them in little kitty carriers so that we can take them to the vet. We treat animals for their own good in ways we don’t treat humans.

Could it just be because animals aren’t humans?

If you could sit down with a dog and tell him how far exactly he has to wander around in his world and how he is to respond to certain people, there would be a valid point. You can’t though. A dog does not have that reasoning capacity that another friend has. A dog is a creature that relies on natural instinct in order to make its decisions.

Humans are different not in degree but in kind. We are created with what is called the imago dei, the image of God. We are capable of reasoning and knowing the right from the wrong. I don’t chain up my roommate because if I wanted him to understand my opinion on something, I’d simply tell him what it is. It is because of that difference that the analogy just doesn’t work.

In an age where our humanity is being more and more lost to the point that now, the debate is whether humans are really different from computers, Christians need to take a stand. We need to affirm the uniqueness of humanity and celebrate the fact that we are the creatures that God made us to be. Animals are great and we should enjoy their company, but let us not treat them as if they were humans when they are not and let us not treat humans as animals when they are not.

Last night, I go to bed. I’ve been fine all day but I suddenly get cold as I pull the covers over me last night and don’t know why. It’s not a real chill though. Just a little bit. It’s no biggie. It’ll pass. This morning though, I wake up and I have the oddest sensation. It is as if a cloud of anxiety hangs over my head and it’s the kind that you have, and some of you know of what I speak, that you can physically feel you think. You cold tell where it is in your head and you swear if you were at a hospital, they could locate it.

I go off to work anyway. I have nothing to be anxious about. It’ll pass. Well, the anxiety did start to go away, but the cold came back with a vengeance. My workplace is the place that air conditioning forgot. If you are cold here, there is something wrong. Many employees buy fans to keep with them simply because they are incredibly hot all the time.

After four hours and a lunch break, I decide I can’t handle it and go on home. A rare event for me, but after some computer duties here, I just go to my room and lie down. I have a book with me and start reading some. I am still in my work uniform, but I end up getting my robe out anyway and putting it on. I am freezing.

Yet I come out here eventually and sit at my computer again and turn on my Wii. I can’t just lie down. I have to do something generally. After awhile though, I realize that I do need to lie down again. Thus, I go and lie down on our couch and still with my work uniform and robe on, I pull a blanket over me. I am still cold. I have turned off the air conditioning here and where I live we have a warm climate, and I am still cold.

It’s times like this that make you think about suffering.

So I do have some momentary anger and wonder for a brief second why God is allowing me to undergo this suffering. Can he not see the pain I am in in this moment? Then I stop and realize. He can, but he can also see the next moment, and the next, and the next, and the next…. My problem is that I am simply looking at one moment of time instead of the big picture.

And that is where the challenge comes in. God tells us in Scripture that in those moments, we need to trust him. We need to see that he is outside of the situation looking in. It doesn’t mean he delights in what is happening now. It does mean though that he knows a way to use it for my good. I have to trust him. Now someone might say “But he’s got an advantage! He can see all moments of time!” That’s right. I can’t. That’s precisely why I have to trust him.

This is one thing I try to remember in my life when something happens. If I think some big screw-up has happened, I simply say “Whatever has happened has happened.” No sense trying to change the past. You can’t do it. You might as well accept it and realize that God will use it for some good. You can learn something from it, but you can’t change it. Spilled milk stays spilled.

So what do I do at this point when I am focusing on this moment? I try to realize that I am missing the big picture. I need to see the whole totality of it. Is it hard? Yep. In our self-centered state we’re usually in, it’s hard to see past the present. It must be done though. He never tells us that trust will be easy. He just tells us to trust.

A friend of mine emailed me this afternoon. I saw it when I got home from church and frankly, it was one of the most touching emails I’d read. This friend said so many things that were bluntly honest about how they saw me and those kinds of emails really make you sit back and think some. Are you really seen that way? Are you really making that much of a difference?

My friend said great words of admiration and I’m the type of guy who honestly doesn’t see it, but maybe I should. We’ve talked a lot about perfectionism and maybe sometimes we need to realize that it’s okay to accept compliments. It’s okay to accept them because there’s a chance that they could be true. As long as you have a true view of yourself, what is the harm?

My friend described me as passionate. I find this odd because to be frank dear readers, I don’t find a lot of passion in my life at times and that does bother me. Yet I wonder, where did I get the idea that this Christian life was supposed to be a life of non-stop passion? Now there are times passion does strike. We had Mormons at our apartment several weeks ago. They’re still visiting weekly by the way. One week, we got into the Trinity. I was in another world. I was getting more and more excited and others would say I started talking faster and faster. The Trinity excites me and yet as I think now, I don’t feel much passion. Of course, it could be passion is more related to activity. I’m not really sure.

If you were to think I wake up every day with a burning desire to be like Christ, preach the gospel, and read an apologetics book, you’d be wrong. I wake up most days thinking “Why do I have to go to work today?” I’m the type that if I don’t have to work that day or do anything immediately, I can lie in bed for awhile and hope that I’ll go back to sleep even though I know from experience that I won’t.

I was also described as someone willing to serve. I say this not to exalt myself really. I just want my readers to get a look into my world. Maybe they’ll find this hero they have is more like them than they realize if they see me as a model to be emulated. One idea I’ve had is to destroy the idea of a super Christian type and show everyone I’m just like them in many ways.

Now if people come to me with a problem, I do help. There are many times I don’t want to help. There are many times I’d frankly rather be doing something else. Still, I do try to do what I can. I just see it as my duty. Helping people is not something that you do just because you feel like it. It’s something that you do because it’s the right thing to do.

I’d like to say I’m more focused also, but there are times it is hard to think about the heavy issues. My mind gets stuck with a song instead for instance and I can spend several hours singing one song to myself. I could be thinking about the problem of evil or how knowledge comes through our senses or the interrelations within the Trinity, but my mind is stuck on something else and can’t seem to shake it. Of course, I have to realize that could be more normal for even great Christian thinkers than I realize.

Am I one who is trained? Now that’s another question. I’ll go on and tell my readers that I had very little in philosophical training in Bible College. I had one class that introduced me to Ron Nash and that was what really got me going. In High School, it was zilch and I had no idea this kind of stuff even existed in High School. By this kind of stuff, I mean apologetics. I went to Bible College and found out about it and found my home.

What did I do? I went to bookstores and bought books, books, and more books and devoured all I could. I’ve been to the apologetics conference for seven years straight in a row and easily spend $100 every time. I’ve got several CDs and MP3s on various topics and often times, I’ll sit here and play a game and at the same time be listening to an MP3 on a topic.

Now, I do have a sizable library where it’s been compared to a master monk spending all his time in studies. People have that opinion of me, but I frankly think I could study more. I find it hard to sit down and focus myself to read, though I have been doing that more often. My mind can tend to wander as I read and go off on various tangents. It’s a problem with focus. I’m never on one argument at once. I’m thinking of a few of them.

Also, don’t think I’m the type please that spends all my time in an ivory tower. I take time off for the Wii, for Smallville, for House, for Monk, for going to the ice cream parlor, for going to the pool even though I can’t swim, etc. Like I’ve said, it’s very difficult for me to sit down and actually study. I seem to learn best simply by arguing the things I’ve read.

Well, I kind of got off topic. My point was that I didn’t really get much learning on these issues until I came to Seminary and even then, I came prepared. When someone made a statement once about Plato teaching the idea of God becoming a man and trying to say that’s how the Trinity came, I decided to then take C.S. Lewis’s advice. “Read Plato. Not books about Plato.” So I ordered the Complete Works of Plato and for Aristotle, I found his basic works and read both of them.

For the study of the ancients, rather than just read modern writers, I ordered Plutarch and Tacitus and read them. I have a copy of Josephus and I must confess that I have not read through it yet. I am also reading through holy books of other faiths in an attempt to better understand them. There’s so much knowledge out there to learn.

That’s another thing. It can make one feel small in comparison. I look out there and see that there’s so much that I don’t know and get intimidated. It’s amazing how we focus on our lacks instead of our abilities. I got back some papers from class today and frankly, I passed with flying colors, but instead of looking at that, I’m looking at the mistakes I made.

I know many see me as Christ-like. I would hope so, but I am deeply aware of sins in my present life and sins in my past life. I am aware of many phobias and such that I have that I don’t think it glorifies Christ for me to have and want to change and in many cases, I simply aren’t sure how to do it at this point. I anticipate further counseling but let me say if you have a hang-up in your life, you are not alone. We all have some struggle.

I am told also that I keep busy and do my work still. I am in Seminary, help manage a forum, study for class, work a full-time job, write a blog every night, and now I have Mormons over regularly. In addition, before too long, I’ll be working with a group here going to area churches and putting on apologetics seminars and getting interest in that. Last semester, I was working at the library at the same time.

How do I do it? I have no idea. Since I’ve studied more though this Summer, the time seems to be more available which is quite odd. I simply believe I am doing what I can and I will see the fruit at a later time. I believe it’s good to ignore my insecurities and simply focus on doing the tasks at hand and working my way through them.

I believe humble was a way I was described also. This one amazes me. In some ways, I see myself as incredibly arrogant. I wonder if it’s not arrogance though but reality. When I look at apologetics, it’s a way of saving the world and that’s one of my goals. I want to go out there and fight the evils. I grew up with video games and TV shows and stories of good vs. evil. Now I find that that is more of a reality than I realized and it’s in the conflict of worldviews.

A skeptic once found me arrogant because I see a lot of myself in Clark Kent in Smallville. They misunderstood though. I see myself simply as one with unique gifts, but also with unique weaknesses. (There are some things I swear I react to the way he reacts to Kryptonite.) I want to be like everyone else though and just do what I can. When I see many of the issues Clark goes through on the show, I understand where they’re coming from. John Schneider who played the role of Clark’s father once compared Clark to a special needs child. When you think about that, it’s accurate. Even children with great gifts need special handling. If you watch the show, you realize Clark’s life isn’t grand just because he’s Superman. He’s got a lot of struggles that you’d never consider. (I urge people to listen to the song “Superman” by Five for Fighting.”)

My friend had a desire to be like me, and in an odd way, I have a desire to be like others more. I often think when people say something “I should have known that.” I too wonder where they get their learning. Of course, it could be they had more socializing than I had growing up and just learned a lot from casual conversation that I missed out on. I don’t know for sure.

My friend is someone incredible in his own right though. He may not see it, but it’s because of people like him that I do go on. When I receive commendation from someone like that, it makes me think “Maybe you are being too hard on yourself.” I’ve told another friend that I may be a fighter in this game, but no fighter fights forever. When he goes back to the camp, he needs the clerics there to heal him from all of his wounds, and a role like this certainly gives you some.”

My fear is that a post like this will be seen as arrogant. It’s not intended to be, but there are times I think I have to show you all who I am as well. I would hope I’m one with great intelligence. I would hope I’m one with a deep love for God. I would hope I’m one who is humble and well-read and able to deal with those on the other side.

It could be my good friend is right, and I pray I am. I do know this for sure though. I am but a man. I may switch from being a child in my eyes to being a great hero on the side of the good, but at the end of the day, I’m just me. I also will say that I could not do this without my friends. I have a small group here that is local and helps keep me going. I have to have them in order to make it.

Well, that’s me for today. Again, I hope no one took this the wrong way. If so, do let me know. I’d want to correct it after all. My main hope is that you’ll realize that even if you want to emulate me, and if doing so will help you be more like Christ, then go for it, realize still that I am flesh and blood. I appreciate my friend for his email and for his companionship. It will give me much to think about. Good friend. I do treasure your friendship and I am glad you are on our side.