Month: September 2013

Sexual Ethics Foundation: Dating

So how do you go about your life if you don’t plan on staying single? Let’s talk about it on Deeper Waters.

Okay. I’ve written about life for the singles. What about those who do plan to marry? For that, dating in our culture is a necessary action. Now some might prefer a different name like courting or something of that sort. By dating, I simply mean getting to spend regular time with a person of the opposite sex that you are considering as a candidate for marriage.

I also think that you should really not consider dating until you’re old enough or near old enough to be getting married. A lot of young girls especially want to date early, but it’s my opinion that starting too early in our culture could also lead to the possibility of sex which for the Christian, is taboo until marriage.

Also, I want to make it clear that I am not condemning physical interaction before marriage. I think couples should. I don’t really care for the first kiss at the altar movement. That’s denying our physical attraction way too much and will lead to too big a rush. How do you go straight from first kiss to all-out sex?

Of course, in the dating relationship, one should be careful. When one looks at the twelve steps of intimacy I really don’t think it’s wise to move beyond #8. Allie and I certainly didn’t in our dating relationship. Why? Once you get to a certain state of passion, it’s incredibly difficult to put the brakes on. Yeah. It might sound like a shock to some of us but those hormones can very easily overpower reason.

Of course, enjoy the physical that you can enjoy for the time being. We certainly did that as well. There’s a funny story about our first date. Allie and I went to the Georgia Aquarium on our first date and came back to her house, where she lived with her parents, to watch Beauty and the Beast that evening.

We were downstairs in the living room together on the couch watching with Allie snuggling up against me. Her parents’ bedroom and her younger brother’s were upstairs. Her brother was thinking of coming down and getting a snack but her parents said we were down there and he might not want to go down. He didn’t. Of course, we weren’t doing anything immoral, but we were a really cute couple together, and still are I contend.

So here are some tips for purity in this time period and other important tips.

First off, I think it’s extremely important that you honor and respect the parents entirely. When I went to meet Allie it was “Mr. Licona” and “Mrs. Licona” until they gave me permission to go by a first name basis.

When I took Allie to meet my parents, they lived in a different state which meant I had to take Allie out of state over night. I sent an email to Mike and let him know about what I was doing, why I was doing it (Allie needed to meet my parents), what the sleeping arrangements would be, and how I would take the utmost care of his daughter.

There was no problem with my request then.

In fact, when it came time to propose, and this is something I wish more men would do more often, I made sure to call Mike and Debbie first and tell them what my plans were and let it be known that “I want to marry your daughter, but I don’t want to go forward with this unless I have your blessing.” They readily gave it. It is a decision I am sure they have never regretted. It doesn’t mean I’ve been the perfect son-in-law. I haven’t been. It simply means they know I always try to have Allie’s best interests at heart.

More on engagement later.

Second, try to not put yourself in tempting situations. Yes, they will come up naturally. If you don’t think you’re going to be tempted sexually, you’re just fooling yourself. It is going to happen. It is not a sin to be tempted. It is normal and in fact healthy. It is a problem if you’re not tempted!

If your brakes were to come off, it would be much much harder to be able to stop again. Sex changes both parties. The changes are not just physical but psychological and hormonal as well. You have already formed a bond with that person. For more on that, I recommend listening to Dr. Freda Bush who was on my show. That link can be found here.

Third, I also recommend you don’t go to the movies on a first date. Movies are fine for a later date, but for that first date, you two don’t need to stare at a screen like that. You need to be watching each other the most and talking to each other and learning how you relate to one another.

Fourth, I actually don’t recommend praying together in person. Praying is a very intimate activity and that could lead to further wanting to continue that intimacy. Allie and I took care of this by praying on the phone.

Fifth, this brings us to the phone. Make the most use of it. In our dating time, we would often spend hours on the phone staying up till the late hours of the evening, sometimes not getting to bed until 1 A.M. or so. Can I remember a single thing we talked about? Not one. We were just talking, and that was fine. (Note: Communication is great once you get married as well. Never stop it.)

Sixth, I also recommend watching how you treat your other friends in this time and listen to their advice. Also, try to not exclude them still. I was pleased to surround myself with friends at my wedding and have them be an active part of my life. Even today, I try to keep in touch with them.

Different friends could respond differently. I remember it was hard for me watching my friends get married before I was. If it was the same for some of mine, I don’t know about that. I do know they have been supportive and have noted the greater happiness that I do have in my life since marriage. I also try to spend some time with them and invest in them and encourage them.

It was exceptionally fortunate that things worked out for my roommate. While we din’t have a “roommate agreement” such as on The Big Bang Theory, we did have matters worked out that we split the bills for living together evenly. Unfortunately, we didn’t have a clause of “If one of us happens to get married” and as people who know Allie and I know, it all happened very fast! I especially remember my roommate messaging me while at work saying he’d been offered another place to live and he figured since he was reading the tea leaves right, Allie and I wouldn’t want him to be around when he got hitched. I told him instead he wouldn’t want to be around. (He has been a great friend to both of us as well, including being my best man and giving the best wedding toast I have ever heard.)

In fact, I am told that for him and another one of our good mutual friends, when I had returned from the first date the talk was “We’d better go ahead and prepare the wedding chapel.”

For friends, if you know someone who is getting married, if you think it’s a good relationship, I do encourage celebrating with them. It’s important for them to know that you highly value their good even if you know that your relationship with them is going to be different from now on, and it most certainly will. Every single friend in the world has to take a backseat to the marriage relationship.

Also, in these relationships, men need to be the ones to take the lead. The man should be doing the asking and should be making arrangements and paying for dates. To this day in fact, I still go and open the car door for Allie and get her in first. There is no excuse for not being a gentleman. Get that fact in your heads men. Always be a gentleman.

Mainly, the dating time is a time to get to know the other person and learn good communication with them. Get to know the family as well. This will be your family as well and you need to establish a good relationship with them. There will be times of disagreement. It happens. In fact, my in-laws and my parents both know that if I think that they’re wrong with something about Allie, I let them know. Of course, they always have Allie’s best at heart as well, but that does not mean that it’s done in the best way. I contend that in fact this shows everyone my devotion to my wife.

When Allie and I were engaged, there was a time that her mother and her and I were in Knoxville together to visit my mother for something and we stopped at a pizzeria before we each went our own way. Her Mom made it clear that when the time came that I had to stand up for Allie to my own mother (Who by the way, loves my wife dearly so don’t be thinking otherwise. Both of my parents would die for my wife if they had to), that I would do it immediately.

I hope I have demonstrated that.

People who know us know that I call Allie my Princess. That is still a name I call her to this day. Remember men when you’re dating that before that woman is your Princess, she is someone else’s. Her parents have both treasured her and since I hold Christians should only date Christians, she is a child of the King as well. Treat her accordingly.

Overall, have fun and enjoy yourself and if you decide to propose, well I guess we’ll have to write more on that later. Right?

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Debate Synopsis

How do I think last night went? Let’s talk about it on Deeper Waters.

I had my debate last night with Matthew Ferguson. For those who want to listen to it, a link can be found here. It was certainly an interesting debate and a fast one.

I do think the numerous people who listened in and the many who have given good compliments and good ideas on how I can improve on a performance they already thought was well done. Such is an important aspect of doing any endeavor like this. There will be much time to study and review and look back.

I also will be writing when I get done with the current series that I am on more on the debate as there were several aspects that due to time restraints, I did not get to cover. As is the case with any debate, there are also aspects that need to be explained in a fuller sense and what better forum to do so than on my own personal blog?

In fact, it is one reason that I have not been doing much writing here on the front of the historical Jesus. I have not wanted to share any cards that I had, a number of which I can add the opportunity to use did not come up last night.

Overall, I am pleased with how I did. I really last night cannot think of any persuasive argument that I saw on the other side. As I am expecting, there will be people who will be supporting what I said and people who will be supporting what my opponent said. It is my hope that this will in fact inspire people on both sides to do further research into the subject matter.

My approach is also a unique one and I plan to hammer it out further in my future in working on my Master’s at North West and then eventually a PH.D.. My argument has a minimal facts approach, but I much more prefer as well to look at the idea of Jesus from a social science perspective in the climate of an honor-shame society. (As we’ll see later, this is why a comparison to Mormonism really misses the mark.)

Many people spoke to me afterwards about how this by and large depended on Carrier’s arguments. Yes. That will be looked at as well as we move further along. My thanks does still extend to everyone who was a part of the endeavor as well. I also realize this could be the first debate of many. It might be that there will be a round two perhaps three or four years or so down the line. If we both continue on our studies, I do not doubt that our paths will cross again.

So when I get done with my series on sexual ethics, readers can expect that I will be coming back to this and devoting more time to subjects I’ve been wanting to write about for the past couple of months anyway. I hope you’ll enjoy it.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Deeper Waters Debate 9/9/2013

What’s coming up today on Deeper Waters? Let’s talk about it on Deeper Waters.

It’s not so much what’s coming up today, but what is coming up tonight? Tonight I have a teleconference debate with Matthew Ferguson of Adversus Apologetica. Ferguson is pretty popular amongst internet skeptics and definitely is highly impressed with Richard Carrier.

This makes the whole situation far more interesting in my opinion. Whereas I think Ferguson sees himself as following in the footsteps of Carrier, I see myself as following in the footsteps of Mike Licona. As those who keep up with debates will know, Carrier and Licona have had their debates as well so this is in a way a look at what those next in line could have to say.

The topic will be if it’s reasonable or not to believe that Jesus rose from the dead. (In case you’re keeping score at home, I will be arguing that yes, it is.) Ferguson and I did have some back and forth with blog posts, but I have declined to write more on the topic of what we were discussing because simply being one who grew up a good gamer, and still has proficiency in that area, (Something my wife laments every time we try to play a Mario game together) I prefer to not play all my cards at once.

The past couple of months have been time spent with much interacting with podcasts and reading the works of highly credentialed scholars. I believe that this research will be more than sufficient to help me establish a strong case tonight.

I ask that my readers of this blog be listening and praying for me as well. If you can’t listen for some reason now, there will be a way to listen later as it is being recorded. In either case, please do be in prayer. As far as I’m concerned, this is also about spreading the Kingdom of God and presenting the reasonableness of the Christian faith to those who might be open.

It is my hopes that at least one person would be open to consider the evidence and give it another look tonight. At the same time, I want them to take a good look before they sign on the dotted line. I have often said that I do not want to go out into the world and make converts. Jesus never told us to do that. I want to make disciples. Disciples will follow a Luke 14 pattern and count the cost first and decide if they think Jesus is worth a lifelong commitment or not.

Anyway, here is what you can find on the Facebook page for the debate.

“Is there historical evidence that Jesus was resurrected from the dead? Based on what is available to us, is there more reason to believe in the resurrection or to doubt it? Matthew will be affirming the position: “It is more reasonable to doubt that Jesus resurrected from the dead.” And Nick will be affirming the position: “It is more reasonable to believe that Jesus resurrected from the dead.”

The debate is being sponsored by the UCI Secular Student Alliance and the UCI Ratio Christi chapter. Neither club is endorsing a particular candidate’s position.

Listen live via teleconference: 1.559.546.1301 access code: 116676#

Matthew is a Ph.D. graduate student in Classics at the University of California, Irvine. His research interests include Greek and Latin historiography, ancient biography, and the Early Roman Empire. In addition to his graduate work, Matthew runs a blog named Celsus (located at the URL adversusapologetica.wordpress.com), where he writes about issues of philosophy and early Christianity from an atheist and naturalist perspective. Matthew has written several posts on Celsus about the resurrection of Jesus, which range in their content from the problem of miracles and the historical method, Jesus’ empty tomb, and natural explanations for the origins of Christianity.

Nick Peters is a graduate of Johnson University preparing to study at North West University in South Africa to earn his Master’s in NT. He runs the blog Deeper Waters, (located at the URL DeeperWaters.wordpress.com) and hosts the Deeper Waters Podcast through BlogTalkRadio. A diagnosed Aspie, he and his wife Allie, also an Aspie, reside in Corryton and have been married for over three years. They have one cat named Shiro.”

The debate starts at 7 PM EST and will last for two hours.

I thank everyone who has helped me in preparation for this debate. I also want to thank everyone who has supported me along the way too and took the time to answer questions that I’ve had through all my years of studying. I want to thank my family for their support to me and I definitely want to thank my loving wife Allie for being the encourager who is always my biggest cheerleader.

And last of all and most important, thanks to my God who has allowed me to serve in His Kingdom, something that is both honoring and humbling. May tonight’s performance glorify Him and not me.

The link to the Facebook page can be found here.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Deeper Waters Podcast 9/7/2013: Hook-Up Culture

What’s coming up this Saturday on the Deeper Waters Podcast? Let’s talk about it on Deeper Waters.

I know some of you are quite curious. Why is the podcast about the show this Saturday coming out on Monday? Simple. I’m going to be heading to Atlanta tomorrow until Friday to visit my in-laws for our annual Labor Day get together. I do not plan on doing the blog then so I’m going ahead and getting this taken care of now. Therefore, no blogs the rest of the week.

So what are we going to be talking about? We’re talking about a favorite topic for many of us. Sex! Unfortunately, we have to talk about how a great thing has gone wrong in our culture and that is what is going on in the hook-up culture.

Now I’m not an expert on the medical side of matters of course, so I made sure to invite someone who is. My guest is Dr. Freda Bush. She is an M.D. who has been involved with women’s health issues for some time and seen the effects that the hook-up culture has had on people from a medical perspective.

We’re so often told that it’s just sex. It’s no big deal. Is that really the case? Dr. Bush thinks it is quite a big deal and I agree. Dr. Bush will be speaking about issues in relation to abstinence, the usage of condoms, teen pregnancy, and the spread of STDs.

But it will go deeper than that still. There will be talk about how this affects us all relationally. What does it do to a woman when she has multiple sex partners over and over? What impact will that have on her future? Will all that messing around in college be something that just stays in college or will it have long-term effects? Will it cause problems with them in a future marriage or maybe even make it difficult for a woman to get pregnant later on?

What happens to a woman in abortion? Is it really just a medical procedure or are there real effects to it beyond terminating a pregnancy? (Ugh. I even hate typing in that part.) Dr. Bush will tell us about these kinds of issues.

This is definitely a show that I urge you to listen to if you are wanting to protect yourself and those younger than you. If you are a parent, you owe it to yourself to listen to this program. Don’t tell me that your children are Christians and so the culture won’t effect them. If you really think that, you are only deluding yourself. Morally, the culture has declared war on our children and sexuality is a major contender in the battle for purity. Of course, in listening to a show like this, I advise parents to show discretion with younger children.

So I ask that you tune in this Saturday to the Deeper Waters Podcast from 3-5 PM EST to talk about the hook-up culture with Dr. Freda Bush. The link to the show can be found here. If you want to ask Dr. Bush a question, the number is 714-242-5180. I hope you’ll be there!

In Christ,
Nick Peters