What can you learn about friends in a divorce? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.
First off, if anyone can share this to Facebook on my wall, that would be great. Today, I have been placed in Facebook jail for the stupidest of reasons. Last night, I made a post about being at work and seeing a couple come in and the girl had a Legend of Zelda T-shirt on and I said I immediately thought, “Dude. If you haven’t already, marry her.” One of my friends said “What if she thinks the guy with the pointy ears and the sword is Zelda?” I replied “Burn her at the stake.” I went to bed thinking nothing of it.
Woke up this morning and saw it was gone. I thought maybe I just didn’t hit reply, so I said it again.
I was apparently inciting violence.
Way to go, Facebook.
Anyway, today is a day I have been looking forward to, though I didn’t know when it would come or if it would. My friend David had his Mom’s uncle die and he has to pass through Knoxville to go to the funeral and he’s stopping here today and I and another friend will be meeting him.
When I moved to Charlotte, David came with me from his home state. When I had my wedding, he was my best man. We have always stayed in touch, but I haven’t seen him since I left Charlotte which I think was ten years ago this month.
This led to me reflecting on friends. I remember a girl in DivorceCare once saying in a small group meeting that once you lose someone in divorce, you don’t really fear rejection since you’ve gone through the worst already. Good for her. I don’t mean that sarcastically. I mean it really. If she’s not scared of it, awesome.
I’m not one of those people. I do live in fear of it. I do wonder that if the person who I thought would always be there and promised to love me to the end and treated me like such a gift will abandon me despite her making a promise before God and man, who else will?
Meeting with David and another friend today reminds me that there are people who have always been there. I don’t think I have lost a single friend due to the divorce. If I have, I guess they weren’t much of a friend to begin with.
Those friends mean so much. Some, like David, have been friends of mine for well over a decade. Some of you I have never even met but through Facebook, despite their stupid policies sometimes, have proven to be great friends. When I was at ETS or DTF, here I was among Christian scholars and known to be a divorced man and no one treated me as if I was a wicked sinner or anything like that. Trust me. You can often have the red D hanging over your head with this.
Do I still live with this fear of abandonment? Yes. My ex at the time seemed like someone rare who would not reject me or abandon me and seemed to genuinely care for me and love me. I realize as I begin dating I’m going to have to put my heart on the line at times, but I have to remember it’s worth it. Marriage is still a great good that I want.
Today though, I’m just reflecting on the people I have not lost. Some friends have also been through divorce and have been kind enough to join me on the journey. It is a blessing. Many times when people pray for me, they also pray for my ex and for her well-being without my even asking them to and that always gives me joy. I still do pray for her well-being. (I want to stress that as many times, a divorced person will pray for death on their ex. I have not.)
So to my friends, thank you for being there.
In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
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