What’s the first of the last two things you need to know about people on the spectrum? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.
There can be a misconception among people when you seem closed off to strangers. When people try to interact with you and you don’t always interact back, that can be misunderstood. I found out when I went to Bible college that some people had tried to get to know me better, but they didn’t have any luck. The thing is, I didn’t even realize they were doing this.
For me on the spectrum, there is always a hint of suspicion. You don’t understand people and what they want and you want to know if people are really genuine or if they are just doing social niceties. This is another reason I hate small talk. Small talk makes it hard to tell who is genuine and who isn’t. If everyone asks “How are you?” regardless of whether they care or not, how am I supposed to know the people who really care?
Yet the first fact that needs to be known about people on the spectrum is like you all, we have a need to be loved too. Don’t get me wrong. I like having time to myself. When I come home, for the most part, I am okay with that time for reading and gaming and everything else.
Yet so many times throughout the day I am practically inwardly screaming for companionship and naturally as a divorced man, for a lady in my life once more.
One story I have told before is waking up for my first birthday here in New Orleans away from my family and wondering if anyone would even know or care. You see, I want people to celebrate my birthday, but I don’t want to go around telling people it’s my birthday. I want them to find out somehow on their own. In the age of Facebook, that’s not too hard. If you just tell people though, you don’t know if they’re celebrating because they’re really happy or just being nice.
Anyway, that morning, I opened my door and I found a case of cookies, a card, streamers, even a gift card. My RA and her husband had taken it upon themselves to do something special. The gifts were nice, but they weren’t the most important thing. Having people care on their own is what made it the most worthwhile.
It’s one reason I love it when I go to the mailbox and I get a card from someone and even if it doesn’t have anything in it, it tells me they took the time to think of me and do something. I delight when I get a new subscriber on Patreon because it tells me that someone believes in what I am doing and is willing to support it. Being away from family now, I definitely cherish having good friends I can talk to and especially ones that can help me understand all those relationships that don’t make sense.
Everyone wants to be loved and loved for who they are. Yes. If you love someone, you want them to change for the best, but no one wants to be a project. If all I get from someone is criticism, I find it hard to take. The ones I take criticism from best are the ones that also show admiration and regular support. I’m more prone to listen to them since it’s clear to me then that I’m not “Just a problem.”
If you really want to get to know someone on the spectrum, you might have to work harder at it as they want to know if you’re real or not. That can be hard for both you and them. I hope it’s worth it. The people that have done that with me are ones that I treasure greatly.
Love the people on the spectrum you know. They need it too.
In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
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