What are the struggles of being an introvert? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.
I work at the post office in New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. It is the only job I have had in New Orleans. I am a good employee there, but my boss understands there are also times of difficulty in how I interact with people. People can come in and start speaking to us and I don’t really say anything.
Am I wanting to be rude? Not at all. I’m more of a mind my own business type of person. I don’t engage unless I think there’s a real reason to engage. Note that there could be even times I want to engage and struggle to do so, such as when a beautiful lady comes in.
Of course, there’s also being on the spectrum, but I think what I say works for introverts.
We recently hired someone new at the Post Office who got surprised that when I walk in, I don’t greet anyone. I explained, “I have worked here ever since the new boss came along and never once have I greeted when I came in.” Am I rude? No. That’s just not me. Does she know I’m a friend to her? Absolutely. She’s taking a writing class now and so I look over everything she writes. I want it to be the best that it can be, and I try to give my own tips on writing.
There is a thrift shop across the street that I go to sometimes. I notice that when I go in and the bell on the door rings, the people there can shout “Welcome to the thrift store!”
Every time I inwardly hope that they won’t.
When I go shopping at Five Below, I use the self check-out and then I see a question at the end on it saying “Were you greeted today?” I know what they’re wanting to do in asking that, but I always wish I could say, “No. It was great. Please repeat that next time.”
When I go to church, there are two doors to enter. If I can, I look to see which one someone is coming out of to greet me and then I turn and go to the other door. I know they mean well, but it’s just awkward for me.
I also don’t really understand it when people think it’s okay to come up and touch me. A light pat on the back or anything is uncomfortable. When people ask me “How are you?” I just freeze or shrug or say nothing really. It’s a question I don’t care about. I just think “Fake, fake, fake.”
Being introverted is hard when the world seems geared towards extroverts.
Now consider also there are introverts who aren’t Christians. If you want to reach them and you use the methods I have just described, odds are, you won’t. To get to know people like us, it can take work, but it will be worth it. We need to know you really care. You aren’t just friendly just because we’re another face. I suspect extroverts look at other people and see a potential new friend. Those of us who are introverts see a potential new threat.
Also, if you find something we have in common, that can work great. Believe it or not, we love talking about our interests. We despise small talk. It’s a fake show to us and we want to get down to the subject matter. I have a pair of friends who are husband and wife and they’re both on the spectrum. When we reach out to each other, we immediately jump into what we need to talk about and that’s it.
I can’t stop someone from being extroverted. It’s not wrong, but it is different from those of us who are not. Just as there are some things we do that bother extroverts, there are things you do that are hard for us to understand and accept. It is possible for extroverts and introverts to be friends, but please understand we will always be the quiet ones in the relationship, and that’s okay.
When you do evangelism, remember that also. Don’t write someone off immediately because they don’t want to talk. Pray with them and try to understand them slowly. Once they open up, it could be a great chance to get them to the gospel.
In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
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