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Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. Tonight, I’m going to write my final blog for the year on Autism Awareness Month. I will be out of town this weekend so this will have to tide everyone over for now, but I hope it has been enjoyed.

Wrapping up then, I’ve written a lot about Aspies, but what does it mean for you, who is presumably the neurotypical person. Often, we aspies are told that we have much to learn from society, and indeed we do. However, I believe that it should go both ways on that. The neurotypicals can learn a lot from their friends on the spectrum. What kind of things can be learned?

First off, we all have differences. Some of us are just genetically programmed with some very unique ones. That’s okay. Genetics doesn’t have to condemn us to a miserable life. I have told people I do not suffer with autism. I live with it. I make it a point to enjoy my life regardless of how difficult it can be at times and frankly, I’m not sure I’d even want a cure of my condition if there was one since I’ve got so used to being like this and I recognize a lot of benefits from it.

Second, things aren’t always what they seem. We can seem like we’re rude to a lot of people, but a lot of us are really not, and frankly, I think we all know that you can be neurotypical and still be a total jerk. Some people thrive on it. So someone doesn’t seem to react socially the way you do. So what? There could be areas they need to improve on, but if you look at yourself, are there not areas that you need to improve on as well?

Third, maybe some propositions you’ve believed about social interaction really are just societal. Now it could be that a lot aren’t. Of course, I am all against moral relativism, but we do know that the rules of society are not definitely written in stone and could be mistaken. Someone might ask “Why is it that you do X?” Maybe there really isn’t a good reason to do it. Maybe it just so happens that since the Aspie can be outside of the social scene easier that he can better comment on it and see problems that others cannot see.

Fourth, we all do bear God’s image despite how that image comes about in some of us. Aspies and Autists are people that need Jesus just like everyone else. They too can be reached for the gospel and they too have gifts that can be used in the service of the gospel. Depending on their range of function, it could be something small, but it could be huge as well. It won’t be known until it’s tried.

Finally, always try to be understanding. When you look at some of the ways you behave, you want other people to at least know where you’re coming from. The question to ask is if you’re giving your fellow man the same kind of treatment that you would want if you were doing the same thing.

I hope this has been a helpful look for you and next month we’ll start other topics.

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. I’ve been blogging on Autism Awareness Month this month and giving an insider’s perspective on what it’s like to have Asperger’s. Tonight, I’d like to take a look at autism and the workplace.

Can we hold down jobs? Yes. We can indeed. However, for our jobs, I do think employers need to realize some pieces of information about us and what I say I believe could also apply to other people as well and I believe it in fact does. I also think the same principles can be found in Aspies doing management and I have been in a position of management before as well.

To begin with, it can be easy in the workplace to treat your employees as expendable at times. The Aspie needs to know that you are willing to stick up for him in front of the customer. We have a saying that “The customer is always right.” I can’t help but think that if people believe that, then I’m going to go to the bookstore and electronics store, get everything I want, say it’s free, and remind them that the customer is always right. Well, no. The customer can get the benefit of the doubt, but they can surely be wrong.

If we see ourselves as expendable, why should we bother really giving our all? We know we can be replaced with just anyone who happens to be walking down the street that day. Now I believe that we SHOULD ideally do all we can for our bosses, but we also know that if someone is an employer, they should be seeking to make that as easy as possible for their employees.

While we’re not big on social relationships, we do want to know we matter. Get to know the people you’re working with. In my one management position, I made it a point that unless physically incapable, I would not have someone do a job I wasn’t ready to do myself. There was a time I sent someone to do a job due to having extra people on hand and when things got slowed down, I went and joined him and started asking him questions on how he was doing and what did he plan to do when he graduated from school and questions of that sort. It’s another way of showing you’re not just a cog in the machine.

Humor is of great importance. I’m reading on audio a fascinating book right now called “The Levity Effect” on how employers can benefit their companies if they learn to lighten up and it’s been incredibly revealing. We all prefer to be around people who know how to have fun and are happy. Somehow, we’ve made this mistake of thinking the opposite of being funny is being serious. No. One can be seriously funny.

The workplace needs to be a place the Aspie enjoys being in and probably having them out doing social work is not the best aspect, unless it’s a kind of work that they really enjoy, such as how I had a great job at an electronics store one time selling video games or I could work at a bookstore easily due to knowing the subject matter. In ordinary social parlay, when customers come up with statements meant to be funny, we don’t always know how to reply.

Of course, companies need to make sure they’re having good pay and hours, a safe work environment, and other such matters, but most companies already know that. Get an Aspie however and treat them right and you will find that you have an incredibly devoted employee on your hands.

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. Right now, I’m giving an insider’s look for Autism Awareness Month on what it’s like to live with Asperger’s. Tonight, I’d like to take a look at what the internet often means to those of us on the spectrum.

I’m convinced that the internet has been a blessing to many of us who are on the spectrum. After all, we are very quiet in person and do not know what to say. The internet has made it easier for us to speak. The reader can consider that this blog is the blog of someone on the spectrum who has found it easier to communicate after communicating on the net.

Before my wife and I married, seeing as both of us were Aspies, and that we lived in different cities, we found internet communication to be very important. However, we also did communicate on the phone quite a lot, which was definitely easier to do when I was driving.

My former roommate and I also met via the internet and arranged through the phone and the net our living arrangements. The age of the internet has made such communication much easier. With tools like Facebook today, you can much more easily communicate with, that person that you knew back in high school.

The internet has made it easier for me as an apologist to practice debating as on theological forums and other such places I can communicate with those who do not share my worldview. In fact, for any success attributed to me in the offline arena, I would say that part of that is based on being able to communicate on the net and learning how to have an answer ready.

The friendships that I’ve made through the medium of the net I consider invaluable. I know people from all over the world and when my wedding took place, I had people fly in from places that were quite far away to be in attendance. We communicate through the phone as well, but we know each other through the net first and I realize some of us could very well only see each other for the first time when we get to Heaven.

Today, we should be thankful that while there are great wrongs that go on on the net, just like there are anywhere else, the net is a great tool to help a lot of people on the spectrum open up. They have found their voice there. However, I would say that if possible, that should be the starting point for learning to communicate with others, but there are some skills that can be built up there.

Thus, if you want to reach someone who is an Aspie, you could do well to try to be on the internet. Ask them for their name on AIM or become a Facebook friend with them. It is a medium through which that they can learn to trust you. Once again, the soul is worth it.

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. All this month I’ve been writing on Autism Awareness Month and giving an insider’s perspective as one diagnosed with Asperger’s. Seeing as my wife and I both have the condition, I figured I’d write about how it affects our marriage.

As an apologist, marriage is one of the best lessons I know of in theology. It is a fascinating experience to learn what it means to love your wife as Christ loved the church. None of us are perfect people after all and it can be tempting to concentrate on your spouse instead of yourself. Hence, I try, though not always successfully, to make it a point to ask when I don’t understand something my wife does or doesn’t do “Am I doing any better?” or “Am I being the good example I should be?”

Marriage is a sacred covenant after all and it’s an event where you spend the rest of your life shared with someone else. It will change your other relationships as I do remember seeing a friend of mine get married and wondering “Why does he not seem to have time for me as much any more?” Now I can see it. Your spouse has to be the first priority.

This is something I understand can be tempting to change when children come along. This must be guarded against. Children cannot know that they are more important to you than your spouse is. They need to learn that you made that covenant relationship not with them but with your spouse. This doesn’t mean you dishonor or don’t love your children of course. Love them entirely. What it means is that you must remember your priority is to please your spouse and not let it be the case that your children come to take precedence over them.

Communication is also very important. My wife and I find that we have a blessing in that we can honestly communicate with another. If I am feeling such a way, I can say “Princess. This is how I feel right now. I know that’s not the reality of it, but that’s how I feel.” She’s able to listen and say likewise with me. I make it a point to try to not be defensive when she says something to me that’s not exactly uplifting, such as if she disagrees with an action of mine. It doesn’t mean I think she’s right automatically of course, but it means I try to see where she’s coming from.

In fact, being Aspies, both of us are in counseling and we have been able to say in counseling concerns we have about how each other can improve and we’ve each been able to take it. If it’s the truth, why not go ahead and admit it? If you’re not sure, go ahead and admit that too. If it isn’t the truth, you may defend yourself of course, but watch how you do so.

There are times however where it’s not the most important thing in the world to be right. My wife knows there have been times I’ve let some disagreements drop even though I was still convinced I was in the right because I believe the unity we share is more important. As you learn in apologetics, there are some battles not worth fighting. In those cases, it is more important to be righteous than to be right.

Affirm love often. I make it a point to call my wife on every break from work or class. Even just a quick phone call is all it takes. It lets the other person know that you’re thinking about them.

Prayer and Scripture should be fundamental parts of a marriage. We don’t always do it as sometimes we’re too tired, but we usually try to read a chapter of Scripture every night and then ask the question of “How can I pray for you tonight?” and get to share our prayer requests and then pray together. Prayer together is a very bonding act.

As for bonding acts, my wife and I were both virgins when we married and we’re thankful we waited. We encourage other couples highly to do the same. However, it is not like done in the movies. In reality, there is something much deeper to sex that is not found in movies or TV. I have a great sorrow for guys that I see sleeping around or for couples that I think are living together without marriage. They’re only cheating themselves of a relationship of complete trust. Just sleeping around will treat others like an object and living together will make you think you’re under trial. Having the sacred covenant lets you be totally free and open to enjoy the love of your spouse.

Husbands need to realize that for the wife, emotional closeness in sexuality is highly important. The wife wants to be loved and affirmed in her body. However, wives also need to realize that a man when married does have physical needs and those are very important as well. This is not to say however that the physical is unimportant to the wife or the emotional unimportant to the man.

Sex will not be the most time-consuming part of your marriage, but it still will be a part of your marriage worth taking time for. It is also a part of your marriage that, like all the other parts, will require your work, but it is worth it for the tight unity that you create with your spouse when it’s just the two of you. That will not be found in the entertainment industry as sex is more than just entertainment. It is something far deeper. It is the act that is closest to experiencing the beatific vision this side of eternity.

Honor your spouse also. Since we are Aspies, my wife and I have a fierce loyalty to one another. I am the only person I know of that thinks that I do not love my wife enough. Each of us seeks to please the other fully and this has also been through our share of difficulties.

We have experienced surgery, the death of my grandmother, unemployment, financial struggles, which we are still going through, emotional crises, and emergency room trips. A minister friend told us upon meeting my wife for the first time that we are not only handling all that we go through well, but we are also thriving.

Marriage is something special in all of its aspects and like all other good things, it takes work. The rewards are well worth it as I know many of my friends have said that since my Princess came into my life that I have not been the same person, and for the better, and I see that process of sanctification going on in both of us.

We shall continue next time.

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. I’ve been writing for Asperger’s Awareness Month on the topic of what it’s like to have Asperger’s and tonight, I’d like to write on the topic of how it relates to the idea of romantic love. I plan to take a deeper look at how it relates to marriage at a later date, maybe tomorrow provided I find the time.

Love in my case can be difficult since it’s such an emotional issue. Add in that I’m a strong perfectionist and that Aspies have an intense amount of loyalty and it gets more interesting. However, this is not to say that an Aspie cannot be romantic. Indeed, I believe my wife would certainly attest that her husband is very romantic.

I do suspect we’ll be more quiet about our romantic interests than others. After all, we have a hard enough time talking to people that we can see every day. It’s that much harder to go up to someone and ask them out on a date. Considering that there are a number of Aspies who are married, we can say that this is certainly something that is doable however, and for those of you who are in the neurotypical camp, it should be a comfort to you.

As I was saying about being loyal, it makes me want to look with absolute devotion at the person I love. There’s also the joke that nerds, like myself, are so excited when we finally have someone that we do things in an extreme way. For my dating period, I certainly made it a point to interact every day and try to catch any of the little foxes from the Song of Solomon that could enter our relationship. When the time came that I had decided to propose, I would get the ring and actually practice before my wife’s picture every night.

We also made prayer a part of our relationship and we’d call each other every night and ask how we could pray for one another. We could spend a couple of hours on the phone a few nights and personally, looking back, I have no idea what we talked about, but I just know that we talked.

To show my further seriousness also, I made it a point that just a day or so before the wedding, I wrote my own wedding vow to my Princess. Now I did not read this at the wedding, but I wrote it and put it on my Facebook as my personal promise to my Princess. We know that if we repeat what someone else says, we are not as prone to hold to it as when we write it out ourselves.

I’ve been asked before also if I have a copy of what I said at the rehearsal dinner and unfortunately, I don’t. Speaking off the cuff for me is usually better than when I speak from a script and I think I spoke for ten-fifteen minutes about how much my Princess means to me.

This is just to say that yes, we are quite capable of love and today, people often state that my wife and have one of the most romantic and devoted marriages they’ve seen. Hopefully I can write on that tomorrow.

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. I’ve been writing lately on Autism Awareness Month and wanting to give an insider’s perspective as one with Asperger’s. Tonight, I’d like to look at the topic of friendship and Asperger’s.

I can safely say I have a number of good friends. If I take a look at our wedding photos for instance, the people that I had fill various positions in the party such as my groomsmen were examples of friends, and of course there was my best man who was the one I was a roommate with before I got married.

Each of these friends means something quite special to me and each of them ranks above acquaintances. To be sure, there are people I can interact with who I would consider acquaintances, but the people that I am thinking about have managed to earn a higher position than that.

It could be odd to hear about someone earning such a position, but such it is in the world from this point of view. We have to have someone’s trust before we can really let them into our world but once they’re in, they get to see a whole lot more than they thought they would at times. My friends have become the people that I count on in a bind.

In the short time that we’ve been married for instance, I’ve had to have surgery. In that time, I counted on a friend to get me to the hospital and get me back home and some friends were there when I woke up. When I fell on ice shortly afterwards due to bad snow here, it was some friends who were there who immediately took me to the urgent care clinic.

These friends are also always there for the good times as well. We have the friend that comes over regularly that we watch Smallville with every Friday night. We have the friends that I try to get together with every Sunday night if I can to get in some time on the Wii. My best man and I regularly communicate on apologetic issues through the medium of gmail chat and at school and church.

Speaking of the church, the church family has been especially helpful. Mine and my wife’s condition have been understood and people have encouraged us. (Interestingly, our church has only been around a few years and I was the first member of the church to get married rather than join as a married already.) Several women have also surrounded my wife and been a friend to her and helped her through many situations.

I also have to mention friends that I know mainly through the medium of the internet. I plan to write exclusively some time on the internet and autism, but some of these friends I have got to meet and it has been good to get to make a phone call to them in a time of need or just to chat for a little bit.

One thing you can be certain about us is that when you make a friend of us, you definitely make a friend and we are the kind who will do anything for you. My friends know that I can be very sarcastic with them at times, but also that when push comes to shove, I’ve always got their back. I’m very pleased as an Aspie to say I have made enough friends in this world that I can always be sure I have someone if needed and I hope I can repay the favor to them when they need me.

So in closing, thanks for and to my friends!

Welcome everyone to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. I’ve been writing all this month on Autism Awareness Month and looking at Autism from the perspective of one diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. Tonight, I’d like to consider how that works in the relationship with God.

Right at the start, I wonder about the idea people have about a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. For most people, you’d think that they have regular conversations with God. The relationship can seem to be treated in such a cavalier attitude that I wonder if there is anything to it. Also, people never seem to talk about times of great anger or doubt with God when they use this terminology. God always makes them happy. He never makes them angry or sad.

A lady at my church heard me once when I was speaking and in conversation about that with me months later told me she saw me as a great lover of God. I replied that I would be the last one to see myself that way. What does that mean? If it means that whenever I think of God I get an exceedingly strong joy in my soul and just want to sing and rejoice, then no. I don’t think I could hardly be described that way.

However, what if we went with another view of love? This is the one I think most relevant today. This is the love not rooted in feeling and emotion but rooted in a devotion that one seeks the good of the beloved. Now clearly, we can’t bring good to God in the sense that we can improve Him or give Him glory He does not already have. However, we can seek that which He seeks. We can seek to show the reality that He is highly exalted already.

This I think is a stronger love anyway. In a conversation with a friend of mine who is in ministry recently, we both noted how that for a lot of us, the more passionate a young student seems for Jesus, the more we worry. Too many students are going to Bible College and Seminary wanting to preach and saying “I love Jesus!” and thinking that’s enough.

It’s good that you do, but that doesn’t qualify you to lead the church. It doesn’t qualify you to teach. It doesn’t make what you say more authoritative and the danger is so many people will believe that it does about themselves. Anyone can love God when things are going well in their lives and situations are easy. What will you do when God seems absent? What will you do when you go through the dark night of the soul? Will you love Him then?

I heard today about William Stillman and how he’s written a book called “Autism and the God Connection.” This can show how different we can be on the spectrum at times as I was told he writes about seeing a stained-glass window in church as a boy of six and had to be taken out of the service because he was crying so much. Some thought he was just trying to offend in some ways, but the reality is he was thinking about the pain of what Jesus went through.

From my perspective, that’s difficult to think about as it’s so hard to step outside and feel the other. Hence, some statements connect and some don’t. When I hear a theologian talking about the attributes of God in a highly analytical sense, I can be connected. When I hear someone talking about strong experiences of God, I tend to put my guard up immediately. This is especially true in a day and age of numerous cults and false teachings.

This can make prayer interesting as well as I am certainly not a prayer warrior and while some can spend a good hour a day in prayer, I’m nowhere near there yet. Usually, unless we’re way too tired, my wife and I pray together every night after asking each other how we can pray for one another. It is a deep connection time and always brings our needs to the forefront.

If you asked if I have a strong and vibrant prayer life, I could not say I do at this point. Nor would I count myself as one who really practices devotionals, as they’re called. I read a chapter of the old and new testament in the morning and then my wife and I read a chapter often before bed at night. Maybe that’s my own personality only. If you’re someone who can pray this much however, then God bless you. I’m certainly not going to stop you.

However, for those who are wanting to reach someone with Asperger’s or Autism, just keep in mind again how you’re interacting. Are you speaking on a level of God that the person will understand. In fact, to be even more careful, are you speaking of God in a way that is accurate?

Just something to ponder.