Tag: aspergers

Hollywood and Autism Part 5

What about the Good Doctor and community? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

This is the show I probably resonate with the most.

Shaun Murphy is a brilliant surgeon on the spectrum who has a special gift of envisioning different ways to do surgery. When he enters “vision mode” he stares up and you get to see different parts of the body flowing together in his mind. After that, he comes out and he has the solution to the problem.

While that is always fascinating, what is most fascinating is getting to see Shaun grow as a person in the show. At first, the doctors either don’t want him to perform, or they handle him with kid gloves. The exception is a mentor figure he has in the show who has known him for years, Dr. Glassman.

Shaun learns from the staff and from his patients that come in. While he is brilliant in medicine, he is constantly struggling in social relationships. He asks those around him regularly what he should do in a certain situation.

The biggest part that reaches me is when he finds love and yes, winds up getting married in the show. He marries a neurotypical girl who takes the time to understand him and his condition. She is a perfect complement to him and when I see them together, it leaves me thinking about what I really want to have someday.

At times, Shaun does have breakdowns when things get hectic for him. I am thankful that I am not one who has this struggle, at least not in the sense that I tend to share it externally. Fortunately, his lady and Dr. Glassman are often both there to help him through these struggles.

At times, Shaun is often blunt and can see only the data and miss the emotional connection that his patients often need. This is again, something that he grows in throughout the show. I am not done with the whole series yet, but eventually, he even gets put in charge of other doctors under him and has to learn how to be a manager.

The big thing about this is community. As a seminary student, I find myself often communicating with others around me trying to understand. If I want to understand more about women, I will often go to women on the campus I know who are either married or in committed relationships. I will go to my professors to pick their brains on various topics and many I now consider not just my professors, but my friends as well.

Community is absolutely essential. As I am in therapy, my interest in gaming is something I point back to and my theme in therapy now is the theme to Final Fantasy IX, a song called A Place To Call Home. Home is where you are accepted just as you are and people do understand your silly little quirks, but also want to see you grow and succeed on your journey.

Friends are great, but of course, the real hope is to find a special lady again someday. When I see Shaun with his, it does develop in me a longing for the same. I am fine with a neurotypical girl provided she does understand that she’s marrying a man who is rather odd in many of his ways.

Well, that concludes my look for now at Hollywood and Autism. We’ll see what next week brings.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Hollywood and Autism Part 4

Can love be hard to find? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Atypical is a series I never got to finish as divorce started becoming a reality in my life around that time. It involves a young man named Sam on the spectrum in the middle of his teenage years who decides it’s time to get a girlfriend. His family is unfortunately dysfunctional and his main friend helping him is a perv and he develops a crush on his therapist. I plan to start the series again as I never got past the first season.

Sam has a problem in that he seems to let everything out immediately. He goes to a girl that he is interested in and has been arranged to date in some way, and starts listing off a long list of character flaws of his and includes he’s never had sex. The girl says “You’ve never had sex?” She invites him back to her place and he is sitting on the edge of a bed nervous and she comes over and starts putting the moves on him to which he pushes her off. At that, she is angry and tells him to get out.

Yeah. That doesn’t go well.

So let’s talk about what it’s like on the spectrum.

My ex-wife and I met through a mutual friend and our first conversations were through this ancient service called AOL Instant Messenger. I’m really thankful that we started that way and were introduced by a friend because speaking in person to someone like that is quite difficult. My therapist and I have decided that while many people use small talk to engage with others, I use humor. I have a reputation and I have been told I am one of the funniest if not the funniest guys on campus.

That is doable, but just a regular conversation is extremely difficult. When I go out and do evangelism which I have to do weekly for my scholarship, I have to have someone else join me (We go in pairs anyway) to start the conversation. Once it’s started, I can try to find a way in.

If I go to the grocery store and want one of the sticks used to separate orders, I find it nigh impossible to go to someone in front of me and ask for the stick. I usually wind up gesturing wildly. Strangest thing, but they never seem to notice that.

Thus, when people come to me and say “Just go up to someone and ask her out”, I wish it was that simple. For a guy, it is saying “Go up to someone and throw yourself on the line and admit those difficult emotions and risk total rejection once more.” Any of those are hard to do for a neurotypical guy. It’s much harder to do for an neurodivergent guy.

What would make it easier? If I had some sign that there would be a positive response possible back. Unfortunately, men struggle with understanding when a woman is flirting and when she is not. It is again, much harder if you do not understand social cues to begin with. “Hey! That lady smiled. Is she flirting with me? Is she being polite? Is she possibly interested?”

Now once I have a relationship, I usually do quite well. Believe it or not, being on the spectrum does not mean you’re an emotional rock. I am actually quite the romantic. I like to do everything I can to put a smile on a lady’s face.

Yet like the initial conversation, that initial contact is difficult, and force of will often does not seem like enough to do it. It is also one of the reasons I am in therapy right now. I am working on building up those skills and learning how to communicate better.

When I did watch Atypical, I did relate to Sam and his struggles. I am curious what else will happen as he continues his journey. I also pray my journey is successful.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Hollywood and Autism Part 1

Does Hollywood get Autism right? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Recently, I was asked if I would take a fellow student to the airport. On the way, we start talking and I explain being on the spectrum. I later say that I am watching The Good Doctor now as I had stopped watching due to life events. I tell him it’s about a surgeon with autism. He asks me if I think that Hollywood gets autism right.

Fascinating discussion!

So why not blog about that?

So let’s answer the question straightforwardly. Do they get Autism right?

No.

Do they get it wrong?

No.

The problem with the question is that there is no one right way to represent Autism. Am I Rain Man? No, but I can see similarities. I can see similarities with me and Shaun Murphy on The Good Doctor. I can see ways I relate to Sam on Atypical. I understand some of what happens with Adam in Adam.

But there are also ways that I am vastly different.

The danger with any Hollywood presentation on such a complex spectrum is that people will look at you and think that you must be like that person. For some people, it will be abundantly obvious something is different about them. For others, it could be harder to tell. I recently sat down with one of the staff here at the seminary and was saying I could speak at churches on Autism and Christianity and I am highly qualified.

“Really? Why?”

I could have been knocked over with a feather at that point.

That’s only because I’ve spent years trying to learn social skills and how to blend in. In many ways, being in society for me can be like trying to play a game and everyone else around me knows the rules of the game and I have to try to wing it. I really think an interesting look that Hollywood could do with autism is a day in the life of a high-functioning person. Just show them even being greeted in casual conversation and then take a trip inside their head as time freezes and they start asking all these questions of what to say and how to interpret every single bit of body language they see.

That being said, the problem with being on the spectrum at times is it is an invisible condition. I’m at work at the seminary post office. The Fedex man comes in and expects me to talk like a regular person and respond to greetings. I can tell he is puzzled by my silence. Am I being intentionally rude? No. I just do not know what to say and even if I do, knowing what to say and being able to make myself say it are two different things.

I take a YouGov survey and at one point I am shown a picture of a woman’s face and asked “What is this woman feeling now?”

I look and look and look.

My answer?

“I am on the spectrum and I have no clue what she’s feeling.”

I really don’t.

Or picture being single like I am and wanting to remarry and yet not knowing what to do in your relationships with women you are interested in.

“Is she interested in me? How can I tell? Will she reject me if I say something? Will I look like a creep? How do you express something like this? Is she smiling because she likes me or because she’s being friendly?”

I could go on and on, but it’s a real struggle.

So this is just scratching the surface, but over this week I plan on trying to look at various ideas of Autism from Hollywood and how I relate to them. Since I have mentioned four different versions of Autism, I can do the next four days covering them and hopefully, you all will understand better the world I do live in and the world your autistic neighbors live in.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Capable

What can someone on the spectrum do? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

I work at the seminary Post Office. Often students and professors come in for packages and to check and receive mail. Sometimes, the general pubilc comes in also wanting to mail something. Earlier this week, we had someone come in and in the midst of talking, my boss and I found out she worked at a school teaching autistic children.

Many people know I am on the spectrum here, but I am surprised some do not. I recently met with someone who works closely with our seminary president asking him if he could help me get speaking engagements as well as talking about the PhD program and possibly some undergrad teaching here after I get my Master’s. I mentioned speaking on video games and Christianity and then said I am also one of the bset to speak on Autism and Christianity.

“Why is that?”

I was surprised he didn’t know. In some ways, that’s a compliment. I blend in so well that people can’t tell. Many people who come into the seminary are like that. It’s often a mystery to them. If they ask “How are you?” I say nothing in response seeing as I abslutely despise the question. I also do realize I am often sort of staring off at something else when I am communicating with someone.

My boss tells me after the customers leave that she has a godchild on the spectrum and wants to know more about my process of finding out I was on the spectrum. I have to call my Mom on this one seeing as I don’t remember much of it. I get the relevant information and then start telling my boss about what my mother was told about me.

I was told I would never graduate from high school and definitely never go to college. I wouldn’t hold a job and I would always be living at home. I would never get married.

All wrong.

Sometimes, I still think about that. I think about that when I raelize I am driving in my own car to my job at the seminary that I live at dwelling in my own apartment. These were things the experts said would never happen, but my parents and I never accept3ed no for an answer. I was a fighter always wanting to push onward.

Now I realize I am not everyone. There are things I am not capable of and things I struggle with. I can do them or hopefully will do them someday, but for now, it’s a struggle. I am not saying to deny reality, but I am saying that people can do great things if they are willing to many times. I consider it a testimony to others that I refused to be a victim, which is why I hate how our culture celebrates victimhood.

Things are tough sometimes, but I am still making it. I have been through several crises, the latest being a divorce, and I still play on. (If you want to support the work I am doing here, there is a Patreon below) The biggest reason has been my strong Christian faith I love the verse in Corinthians about God using that which the world shames to bring Him glory.

If you have someone in your life on the spectrum, watch them. They could be capable of something great. Give them a chance to shine.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Made in God’s Image

What’s the second truth about people on the spectrum you need to know? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Yesterday, I said people on the spectrum want to be loved. The second thing you need to know about people on the spectrum, which is something true but not everyone on the spectrum would agree with, is that we are made in God’s image. We are just as much image-bearers of God as anyone else is.

Sometimes I take comfort in 1 Cor. 1 when it talks about God using that which the world despises to bring glory to Himself. People who are genuinely disabled often fit that mold. It’s why it’s always an inspiration to me when I see someone talk to me about how my story has encouraged them. I hope it does so. I hope it continues to do so.

People on the spectrum are meant to show God. I still recall when a friend I went to seminary with called me because he found out his son was on the spectrum. What a shame so many people he called treated the diagnosis like it was a case of cancer. Those are his words, not mine. For me, I told him to just fall on his knees and thank God. He is going to get a chance to see the world through a whole new set of eyes.

Don’t get me wrong on this. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying raising a child on the spectrum would be without its difficulties. I know I sure gave my parents a lot of struggles and probably still do. My friend will have difficulty with his son. I have another friend I talk to every Sunday night with a son the spectrum who has difficulties. No child is easy. No child is without difficulties.

Yet a good parent will always say their child is worth it. I find many times when I meet parents of disabled children, they tell me that their children open them up to the world in ways they didn’t see before. That’s a gift.

Yet as I said, not everyone on the spectrum will agree with being in God’s image because not everyone on the spectrum is a Christian. A large number are atheists and agnostics. It doesn’t change reality. They still bear God’s image and they still need Jesus. Jesus loves them and died for them.

At my seminary, we had a chapel service one time this month where we said a prayer for those on the spectrum. We prayed first for our brothers and sisters in Christ who are on the spectrum. (Yes. We need your support.) We then said a prayer for those who were unbelievers that we would be able to reach them.

I hope these posts this month have better introduced you to the world of autism. I also hope that they have motivated you to make your church more friendly to people on the spectrum and put in you a desire to understand us better. Finally then, I hope that gives you a desire to share the gospel with people on the spectrum.

They need Jesus too.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Wanting To Be Loved

What’s the first of the last two things you need to know about people on the spectrum? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

There can be a misconception among people when you seem closed off to strangers. When people try to interact with you and you don’t always interact back, that can be misunderstood. I found out when I went to Bible college that some people had tried to get to know me better, but they didn’t have any luck. The thing is, I didn’t even realize they were doing this.

For me on the spectrum, there is always a hint of suspicion. You don’t understand people and what they want and you want to know if people are really genuine or if they are just doing social niceties. This is another reason I hate small talk. Small talk makes it hard to tell who is genuine and who isn’t. If everyone asks “How are you?” regardless of whether they care or not, how am I supposed to know the people who really care?

Yet the first fact that needs to be known about people on the spectrum is like you all, we have a need to be loved too. Don’t get me wrong. I like having time to myself. When I come home, for the most part, I am okay with that time for reading and gaming and everything else.

Yet so many times throughout the day I am practically inwardly screaming for companionship and naturally as a divorced man, for a lady in my life once more.

One story I have told before is waking up for my first birthday here in New Orleans away from my family and wondering if anyone would even know or care. You see, I want people to celebrate my birthday, but I don’t want to go around telling people it’s my birthday. I want them to find out somehow on their own. In the age of Facebook, that’s not too hard. If you just tell people though, you don’t know if they’re celebrating because they’re really happy or just being nice.

Anyway, that morning, I opened my door and I found a case of cookies, a card, streamers, even a gift card. My RA and her husband had taken it upon themselves to do something special. The gifts were nice, but they weren’t the most important thing. Having people care on their own is what made it the most worthwhile.

It’s one reason I love it when I go to the mailbox and I get a card from someone and even if it doesn’t have anything in it, it tells me they took the time to think of me and do something. I delight when I get a new subscriber on Patreon because it tells me that someone believes in what I am doing and is willing to support it. Being away from family now, I definitely cherish having good friends I can talk to and especially ones that can help me understand all those relationships that don’t make sense.

Everyone wants to be loved and loved for who they are. Yes. If you love someone, you want them to change for the best, but no one wants to be a project. If all I get from someone is criticism, I find it hard to take. The ones I take criticism from best are the ones that also show admiration and regular support. I’m more prone to listen to them since it’s clear to me then that I’m not “Just a problem.”

If you really want to get to know someone on the spectrum, you might have to work harder at it as they want to know if you’re real or not. That can be hard for both you and them. I hope it’s worth it. The people that have done that with me are ones that I treasure greatly.

Love the people on the spectrum you know. They need it too.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Multitasking

Do people on the spectrum multitask? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

“Okay. This seminar is on Greek and I will be taking that at Seminary. I’d better just put my laptop down and listen entirely.”

So I said at the last ETS meeting that I went to. Robert Plummer was giving a talk and I knew this would be helpful. Let’s make sure there were no distractions.

I don’t remember a single word that was said in the talk.

Meanwhile, there were plenty of talks that I had my laptop out with me and was doing work on it at the time and I remembered very well what was said. I have since found that this is the way that I work. If I can keep my hands doing something else normally at the time, it is easier for me to pay attention.

My former in-laws discovered this once when I came to visit and I was sitting on the couch for some conversation and playing my 3DS. At the time, they thought I was being rude. Then they realized that I was able to explain everything that they said and repeat it back to them.

I like to educate myself watching YouTube videos on my Echo and I play a game at the same time. It works for me. I know what is going on. It keeps my mind from wandering. A friend of mine who attended Defend with me this year remembers me being in a talk and doing a word game on my phone and one on my Kindle at the same time and still knowing what was going on.

When I spoke to Defend myself on Autism and Christianity, I spoke about multitasking. Sometime recently, I had a mother come to me at the Post Office where I work and saying she has a daughter who is high-functioning and they just couldn’t get her to focus during lessons in homeschooling and she was struggling. Then she remembered what I said and told her daughter, “I will let you play a coloring game on the phone during the lesson.”

Her daughter aced the material then.

Sometimes if I am in a group conversation, I get my phone out and I do explain to people that this is something that actually helps me focus and they actually do understand a number of times. It’s different during a one-on-one conversation when I am actively engaged, but doing something helps me stay focused. It’s hard when so many people think this is rude when the reason that I am doing this is to avoid being rude.

When people on the spectrum come to your church, please keep this in mind. If they are small children, you could consider having small activities that they could do during the service, such as coloring. If they are older and say that they need their phones out to focus, then consider that that could be something that could help them out. Again, not all people on the spectrum are like this, but some are. Be aware of that.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Humor

Want to laugh? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

This might surprise some of you, but I tend to have a reputation as somewhat of a jokester.

No. Seriously.

As someone in therapy, something my therapist and I concluded is that humor is my version of small talk. Humor is how I tend to break the ice with people. When people come to the Post Office, one of my goals is to make them laugh. A lot of this is done by taking them literally.

“Can you check my mail?”

“Yes.”

*Just sit there doing what I was doing*

“Will you check my mail?”

“Yes.”

There are a number of professors and students who come in and leave laughing and I hope in a better mood. A professor I go out and do evangelism with has got used to it and says he knows he has to watch his words with me. There are several moments of outright laughter.

Also, once something enters into the joke vocabulary, expect it to stay there. The humor never dies. Some people have asked if I do the virgin birth thing, which I do affirm, in person. Yes. Most everyone on campus knows about affirming the virgin birth.

For me, this is also much easier to do than small talk because I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like to laugh, though I am sure there are some. Jokes are easy to do and some people have told me I should consider going into Christian comedy as well.

As someone working on a philosophy degree as well, it really makes me think about language a lot more. Why do we say what we say and do we really watch the meaning of our words? A serious problem I have spoken of is how we treat the words think and feel as if they are synonyms.

In the Plato dialogue Parmenides, Parmenides tells a young Socrates to watch the common people and what they say. This is a great way of learning philosophy as you pay attention to words more and what they mean. Not only this, but learning philosophy has a side benefit of helping you know how to be more annoying at times.

The problem is this is a playful annoying and it can be hard to tell when people don’t want to do such anymore. In my mind, if something is funny, it stays funny. Unfortunately, not everyone sees it this way. The way humor can be off-putting for some is the very way that small talk is off-putting for me. If you want me to tune you out quickly, then a good way to do it is to come up to me and engage in this small talk.

Keep this in mind also when dealing with people on the spectrum. We also like to laugh and laughter is a great way to break through defenses and put people more at ease. Just make sure that you don’t make any humor too offensive as many on the spectrum have been used to being treated derisively.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Playing Catch-Up

How can a conversation be hard to follow? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

As I talked to my therapist, I had been wondering what I would be writing about in my next blog also. I am trying to think of more and more aspects of autism that I can share. Part of the problem is that this world seems so normal to me nowadays that it takes me awhile to figure out exactly what to say.

“I feel like in a lot of conversations when I don’t know the person I’m playing catch-up.”

Well, there you go.

A few weeks ago, I’m working my job at the seminary post office sorting packages at a back counter that have come in. Not seeing what is going on at the main desk, I hear a voice say “Are you Nick Peters?”

Immediately, I have a number of thoughts go through my head.

“Who is this person?”

“How do they know my name?”

“If they know my name, why do they not know me by appearance?”

“What do they want?”

“Is this a friend or not?”

I am sure there were more, but those were some of the thoughts I was having. Unfortunately for me, I start on the side of distrust usually when I don’t know someone and suspicion. Why? I suspect it’s because of the way I have seen a lot of people behave over the years and seeing much of society that I think is fake.

Fortunately, this turned out to be a lovely meeting as the person was a mother who was thinking me for my autism talk I gave at Defend this year. She said that the information I gave on multitasking really helped her in her work with her daughter. As I have said before, get a person on the spectrum talking about something they feel safe talking about and the conversation goes much smoother.

Without this, I am instead left playing catch-up as I put it. I am trying to decode the body signals and the tone of language and everything else that I am being told or even think I am being told. I am trying to figure out all the silent signals, and some of them might not even be signals, while trying to understand what the person is saying.

One obvious difficult area for me with this is women. Ladies. You have to understand this. We men have an extremely difficult time knowing when you are flirting with us. My own therapist told me there have been times his fiance thought she could obviously know he was flirting with him and he totally missed it.

If neurotypical guys miss it, I guarantee you that people on the spectrum miss it far more. Please keep this in mind ladies. Men are not as perceptive in this area as you think we are.

So what does this mean for dealing with autistic people? Slow down some. Let them get familiar with you. If you have to and they’re not annoyed by it, ask if they understood what you just said or if they want to have anything explained or clarified. Otherwise, you could be talking about point L in your presentation and they’re still trying to interpret what you said at A.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Obsessions

What are our interests? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

In a number of cases, like other people, one fast way to get into the world of an autistic person is to find out what they’re interested in and be genuinely interested in it. One fast way to get excluded is to discount what they are interested in. Usually, our interests are that we are totally obsessed with something or we just don’t care for it at all.

For instance, take the TV show Smallville. It is the longest-running Superman TV show ever. All the episodes had one-word titles. There were over 200 of them as the show lasted ten glorious seasons. There was also a time of my life when I knew every single episode title in order. To this day, I can say something to my Dad like “Yeah. That showed up in season 1, episode 11. Hug.” I had a subscription to the magazine and I would read an article that said “In season 5, this happened,” I would wish I was a fact-checker because I knew it was season 6.

The same could be said for video games like Final Fantasy or the Legend of Zelda series. Games have been a part of my life as long as I can remember. They still are.

Of course, there’s also my Christian faith. Come to me and start talking about apologetics and we’re there. I used to do chapel on the hill at my old Bible College. They wanted sermons to be 15-20 minutes. I did 45 and no one complained. We even stayed once an hour after the sermon as I walked students through the first chapter of Hebrews.

When you meet someone on the spectrum who is obsessed with a topic, expect them to know it exceptionally well. If you don’t know the topic, don’t act like you do, but do show interest. If we suspect your interest is not genuine, it will not cause us to warm up to you as that comes across as fake.

Now if you don’t have any interest, one of the best things you can do then is to just not say anything. If you think you need to say something, you can ask why the person likes it so much. When people have a hobby or an interest, they do tend to like to talk about it.

Too often in our world, we look at what someone is interested in as necessarily a problem. It could be, but it doesn’t have to be. When we find out what a person is most interested in, we are getting a clue to their personality. It is something that we can learn from to figure out who they are. If we’re being honest, most of us don’t understand why it is that we like the things that we do. We just do.

When you meet someone on the spectrum, keep that in mind. Definitely if you want to have a friendship with them don’t disparage what they’re interested in. If you have a genuine interest as well in their obsession, you could have a friend for life.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)