Tag: autism

Obsessions

What are our interests? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

In a number of cases, like other people, one fast way to get into the world of an autistic person is to find out what they’re interested in and be genuinely interested in it. One fast way to get excluded is to discount what they are interested in. Usually, our interests are that we are totally obsessed with something or we just don’t care for it at all.

For instance, take the TV show Smallville. It is the longest-running Superman TV show ever. All the episodes had one-word titles. There were over 200 of them as the show lasted ten glorious seasons. There was also a time of my life when I knew every single episode title in order. To this day, I can say something to my Dad like “Yeah. That showed up in season 1, episode 11. Hug.” I had a subscription to the magazine and I would read an article that said “In season 5, this happened,” I would wish I was a fact-checker because I knew it was season 6.

The same could be said for video games like Final Fantasy or the Legend of Zelda series. Games have been a part of my life as long as I can remember. They still are.

Of course, there’s also my Christian faith. Come to me and start talking about apologetics and we’re there. I used to do chapel on the hill at my old Bible College. They wanted sermons to be 15-20 minutes. I did 45 and no one complained. We even stayed once an hour after the sermon as I walked students through the first chapter of Hebrews.

When you meet someone on the spectrum who is obsessed with a topic, expect them to know it exceptionally well. If you don’t know the topic, don’t act like you do, but do show interest. If we suspect your interest is not genuine, it will not cause us to warm up to you as that comes across as fake.

Now if you don’t have any interest, one of the best things you can do then is to just not say anything. If you think you need to say something, you can ask why the person likes it so much. When people have a hobby or an interest, they do tend to like to talk about it.

Too often in our world, we look at what someone is interested in as necessarily a problem. It could be, but it doesn’t have to be. When we find out what a person is most interested in, we are getting a clue to their personality. It is something that we can learn from to figure out who they are. If we’re being honest, most of us don’t understand why it is that we like the things that we do. We just do.

When you meet someone on the spectrum, keep that in mind. Definitely if you want to have a friendship with them don’t disparage what they’re interested in. If you have a genuine interest as well in their obsession, you could have a friend for life.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Meals

How about eating on the spectrum? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Many people on the spectrum have issues with food. Some of us have issues with texture. Some of us have issues with looks. It’s a bizarre thing. I only eat foods that I can eat with my bare hands and even then, I am really limited.

So what happens if you combine those foods with social gatherings?

To give an example, let’s talk about a big event on my Louisiana campus every year. Crawfest. Ah yes. All these people get together to eat these messy things that I can’t even stand the sight of and it’s so much fun for everyone.

Unless you’re someone on the spectrum but you go because you know you need to be social and who knows but that you might meet someone you really like there and could date and marry. Yeah. I don’t go for the food.

But while I’m there it’s awful. Last time I was wearing a hooded jacket and just sat and put the hood over my head. I couldn’t stand to look even. When I get in these situations, it’s the same way Clark Kent reacts to kryptonite.

Last Thanksgiving, being away from home, a professor invited me to his house with some other students and staff for Thanksgiving. I told him I would come, and I did, but to please not ask me to eat anything or offer me anything. To the best that I can recall, he didn’t do that.

Any time I have had to go to an event like this, it has been something that I have dreaded that aspect of and honestly, I cannot really tell you why. It’s just the way that I am.

Back when I was engaged to my now ex-wife, I recall well going to an event where we were going to meet some donors to my then seminary. I figured these people could also someday be donors to Deeper Waters so we went together. Things were going well until some servers came by and came to me and said “And what would you like sir?”

Deer caught in the headlights.

Until I felt a hand on my leg and I heard her say “He’s not having anything. He’s finicky, but he’s fine.”

I can tell you my ex-wife had more success changing my diet than anyone else did. Strange power women possess indeed.

So when you have a friend who is on the spectrum, be aware of any food sensitivities they might have. They might have none. My friend Evan Minton who is on the spectrum has zero issues here. I have plenty of them. It’s always best to go in knowing.

Also, if we do have something, don’t make a big deal out of it. I remember going to a Bible study event once at the house of some friends and this happened. It was incredibly embarrassing to me and I was depressed the whole evening. Weird? Yes, but that’s life on the spectrum for you.

Meals may be great for you and how you bond, but for the person on the spectrum, it could be the opposite.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Parties

How do you handle a party? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

As a gamer, of course I love a party! How else are you going to overcome the evil? You need your party of adventurers to come together and form a team and then go out together fighting alongside each other to…..wait. Why are you shaking your head? Oh! You mean the other kind of party!

So yesterday, I had to have a dental extraction done. Towards the end of the day, I figured I needed to go to the campus social event. A friend of mine once told me that I should do this also because as a single guy, it would be a great way to get to meet someone special.

That being said, parties are difficult. You go and you watch all these other people together doing things and you don’t know what it is that you’re supposed to be doing. It seems like everyone else just understands how you interact and you don’t have a clue how to.

Imagine if you were invited to play a game and everyone else knew the rules of

the game and you didn’t.

Now I can talk to someone I know, but then after that, what do you do? How long do you talk? What do you talk about? I just don’t know. If there’s a food section there, I understand people mean well, but it’s awkward when after awhile people ask “Do you not want to get anything?” No. If I did, I would have. Food situations make me nervous.

I talked to a friend of mine who is not on the spectrum once, but does tend to be an introvert, and he told me the way he sums up parties. You go to one saying “I hope no one talks to me.” Then when you leave you’re left saying “Why didn’t anyone talk to me?”

I push myself for this kind of event, and I always try to stay a little bit longer than I really like. If I kind find a game that I can play, that can kind of help. So why is it difficult?

To return to the gaming analogy, unwritten rules. People seem to come together and form groups and people like myself don’t really know how to do that. We don’t really have a social circle all that much. My social circle is different in that I have several individuals that I can talk to and I usually go and talk to them individually.

So now how does this come to application? If you know someone on the spectrum and they’re open to it, help them out. Introduce them to people and if they say something, that could be something remarkable that you’re missing out on. Not that the content is remarkable, though it might be, but it could be something that they’re willing to open up and to share with you anything at all. Maybe they can blossom right in front of you.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Vagueness

Can we be clear? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

“Just take the red ink and put a good amount in there.”

So my boss said to me at the Post Office I work at when filling the stamp that we use to postmark. Turns out, I did too much. My idea of filling up wasn’t the same as hers and I guess I wanted to make sure it was sufficient.

“Just put some oil in the frying pan and put the fish on top.”

So said my mother in trying to teach me how to fix salmon and/or tilapia at home. Well, that didn’t work well. One of my neighbors came over yesterday with her husband and said, “Yes. You don’t line the pan with oil. You just put in a couple of spoons.”

Vague terms are hard for me. I need to go by specifics. I have only recently come to learn this about myself on the spectrum. Looking at it though, I looked back and realized that many times my mother when I was sick would ask me how I was feeling. The question often irritated me. How do you state that? What do you say? Feelings aren’t really definite like that be they emotional or physical.

If I have an assignment, I will usually ask “How many sources do I need?” or “How long does the paper need to be?” I am not looking for the bare minimum. I am looking for something that I can easily quantify.

It could be one reason that I love numbers so much. Numbers make sense and are easy really. They fit into a simple formula. You do A. You get B. I am taking symbolic logic this semester and at times, the material can be tricky, but once I get the formulae, I’m there. It makes sense.

As I’m thinking about this now, it’s probably one reason time matters so much to me. I usually try to arrive early for things and I follow a strict regimen with it. I take a shower at the same time. I go to bed at the same time. I get on my computer at the same time. That’s also something with order which I plan to write on soon.

It can also be one reason why in relationships, I can often times need an assurance on where things stand. I can’t understand your body language and if something seems inconsistent, it’s a problem for me. Generally, I will tend to think that someone is not wanting to be around me if that happens. I fortunately have friends who have been clear even saying that if they are ever upset with me, that they will let me know. That’s really assuring.

Why do I say all of this? Because if you are dealing with someone on the spectrum, it could be appreciated if you are really clear with what you are saying. Speak in clear terms that are definitive and to the point. It is a help to all of us.

In Christ
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Don’t Touch

Is a touch always welcome? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

“And how would you like to respond when someone pats you on the back and you don’t want that?” my therapist asks me.

“Ideally, with a judo throw across the room.”

It would certainly get the point across!

Touch is a very important matter. If you can have a hard time with someone you don’t know saying words to you, touch can go a step further. Naturally, we all know there are ways that you shouldn’t touch certain people that are definitely inappropriate. That tells us that touch is nothing simple. It’s important and can convey a message.

When people ask my love languages, I tell them I have found them to be words of affirmation and physical touch. I tell a story on the latter about how when I was engaged to my ex-wife, we went to an event at SES that was to get donors. I told her we should go because if I’m in ministry, I could need to know these donors as well.

So we’re at a table before anything has been brought out laughing and sharing with the people and then the servers come by. They come to my table and say to me “And what will you have sir?”

At that point, it was just me and him in the world. I was a deer caught in the headlights. I was in absolute terror. I don’t want anything. This is a social situation. This is giving me anxiety. What do I do? What do I say?

Then I feel a warm hand under the table on my leg.

“He’s not having anything, but he’s fine. He’s just finicky.”

That touch meant so much. Throughout my marriage, I came to love that touch. It is still something I miss.

Even still, there are some exceptions. Sometimes when I go back to see my folks, my mother wants to clean my glasses and will attempt to take them off of my face on her own. I always resist this. This is something I wouldn’t even let my ex-wife do.

As I think about it, it can be that while I love words of affirmation so much, words of condemning are extremely hurtful. In the same way, if touch I want is cherished, touch I don’t want is rejected. It is crossing a boundary.

I know people mean well by it, but I wince whenever I’m walking through a crowd and someone wants to be friendly and pats me on the back. Not only do I not like that, but keep in mind I have a steel rod on my spine. That’s sensitive.

Sometimes, I have told people to just not touch me. I am now thinking to tell them to wait. I need to get to a place of trust with someone before I trust them. At the same time, there are times I think I do need some friendly touch. I just want to make sure it is from people I can fully consider friends.

Be careful with people in the spectrum in your life. Just because you think a touch can be loving doesn’t mean they will receive it as loving. It can never hurt to ask something like “Can I give you a hug?”

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

I Hate Small Talk

What is the bane of existing? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Seriously. I hate small talk. I want nothing to do with it.

I have some friends who are a husband and wife and both of them are on the spectrum. When we call one another, it’s because one of us has a problem and wants the other’s help. Thus, we call and we immediately jump straight to whatever the situation is. There’s no “How are you?” or anything like that. Now if the other is struggling with something, we might message later on Facebook asking how they’re holding up knowing what the situation is, but it’s never said in the area of small talk.

You know what so many of us hate about it? It’s fake. People say things and they don’t mean it. “How are you?” I have had people say that to me and keep just walking on by. It tells me they don’t really care. Besides, on a bad day for me, I doubt anyone would want to hear me talk about what I am dealing with that day.

I have a therapist here and in discussing the matter with him, something we came to the conclusion of is with me, I replace small talk with humor. When people come to the Post Office, I try to make them laugh. You all probably don’t know what a joy it is when people come and I’m talking with them and I can tell they’re genuinely laughing at my antics.

When a customer comes in who doesn’t know me and tries to engage in small talk, I tend more to freeze than anything else. I have no idea what to say. Sometimes I even have a hard time verbalizing a hi. Again, this can get people to think you’re rude, which is a sad aspect of the way it works.

Getting back to the fakeness of small talk, that’s what makes it so difficult. In my world, I keep looking around to find people who are real. There is a sort of loyalty level I have with people and I give them trust based on how I see them on that level. There are some areas I don’t trust some people with and some areas I do trust other people with.

That depends in part on how real people can be. If you ask me how I’m doing and you don’t really care, it is really saddening. That’s also because like anyone else, we do want people who really do care about us. One of the best ways to do that is not to try small talk, but real talk. Find out what really interests us. Ask us questions that aren’t generalities but can definitively be answered.

For me, I want to talk about subject matter and if I go to someone and I’m just trying to talk about that and not using humor even, that could indicate a different sort of relationship. Like all people, I have aspects of my personality that not even I understand in how I relate to people. Yet of all those ways, small talk is not one of them.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Verbalizing

Can we all speak? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

One of the aspects you find of people on the spectrum is some are said to be non-verbal. I say said to be because there have been cases of people who are on the spectrum and yet when they are alone around horses, they are observed to speak. We could also say some people do speak through the medium of the internet which means they express themselves through typing, but not through orality.

I am obviously one of those who is verbal. I am a public speaker and many of you have seen me speak and even debate. At the same time, I can be exceptionally shy and introverted. I like what Hugh Ross said once and even if you consider yourself a YEC, I urge you to really listen to this. He is also on the spectrum and has said he would rather speak to 100 people instead of to one.

One of my requirements is going door-to-door doing evangelism once a week when regular classes are in session. We don’t have anyone go individually and I never initiate. I generally wait and see if I can get an opening and jump something in. If it’s an intellectual conversation, I can usually do it very well and then I’m quite animated, but when it comes to personal communication, I struggle with strangers.

Never mind also that I consider much of our evangelism is done wrongly. We have too much of an emphasis on going to Heaven when you die as if that’s the point. I much more prefer to speak of Jesus being the king and we need to get in line with Him. Other than that, I’m watching a conversation go on and wondering what I can say and it seems like people already know what’s going on and how to speak.

I recall one time my then roommate and I went to a Kingdom Hall where Jehovah’s Witnesses meet as we had had some visiting us who asked us to attend. In the end, we got lovebombed as I describe it where people swarmed around us wanting to meet us. This was a horrid situation for me. So one of them comes to me and takes my hand and introduces themselves. I’m standing there in total disarray with everything going on and I hear my roommate say “Say your name.”

Now understand, I know I needed to do this. I knew what social etiquette required of me, but as is said, knowing is half the battle. It’s an important half, but half still. However, I can say his saying that gave me the necessary jumpstart I needed.

Many times if I’m in public, I just don’t speak a lot if it’s someone I don’t know. I work at the campus Post Office and if someone walks by with mail they want to mail and plan to put it in the slot, I will reach out my hand. I find it difficult to say “I’ll take that.” When I go to the grocery store and I need to get a barrier to separate my order from the next, I can’t say it. I wind up pointing wildly trying to get their attention.”

I never seem to.

If I don’t speak to you, it’s because I don’t have that form of trust with you yet. Many times, I still would prefer to speak non-verbally if I can. I do enjoy speaking at times as one thing people learn about me often is I love to say things to make people laugh.

Also, sometimes if people ask me vague questions (“How are you? The question I hate the most.) I don’t know how to answer. I have heard people speak about me supposedly under my breath as if I was rude. It is not my intention to be rude. I find many people who stress on people being polite so much are often some of the rudest ones that I meet. I don’t answer because I don’t know what to say. It’s not a goal to be rude.

Please remember if you meet someone who is quiet that it could be they are on the spectrum. There is no desire to be rude. Being Miss Manners around them won’t help. It only makes it harder.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Why Autism Awareness Month Matters To Me

Why do I care about this month? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

I hate it when June comes around. It’s a time when we try to celebrate what I consider perversion, as if it’s not forced down my throat the rest of the year. I notice when black history month rolls around or women’s history month or any other month by a group that is deemed politically relevant, everyone tries to speak at that time. Everyone wants to virtue signal.

April, I get crickets.

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to be a political pawn. I don’t want people to acknowledge this month just because they’re trying to show how virtuous they are without the substance. I despise fake.

I’m also not at all wanting to call this a pride month. Being on the spectrum is not an accomplishment in itself. Now what I do in overcoming the hurdles, that can be an accomplishment, but the fact I have a condition doesn’t make me automatically special.

What I do consider it is a chance to invite others into my own world and let them know what it’s like. I recall a time a friend contacted me when he found out his son was on the spectrum. Everyone else he talked to treated it like a cancer diagnosis. I told him to be thankful immediately. He was going to see the world through a whole new set of ideas he had never seen before.

What a shock that that was the best word that he heard and it has proven to be true.

This month can be special because people do realize that some of us are different. Some of us do have extra hurdles to overcome. We don’t want to be babied as we overcome them, but we welcome those who come alongside us and help us on the journey.

I’m a gamer. You know that. I think of having a party in a quest. In Final Fantasy XIV, as an example, when you go into a dungeon, you have your tank. This is the guy who takes all the hard hits and draws the attention of the enemies. Then you have the healers. These are the ones who keep the tank and everyone else alive. Finally, you have the damage dealers. These are the ones who defeat the enemies for the most part.

A party without one of these units will not survive. A party all one type of unit will not survive. You need a full party. You need everyone to do their part. I have my part I can do, but I’m thrilled to have other people join me who have strengths where I am weak.

That’s why I prefer the term awareness. It’s just saying to notice that some people are different, and that’s okay. I realize not everyone is high-functioning. That’s also okay. I do have a gift in that way in that I can speak for others. I’m glad to do it.

Also, keep in mind that sadly a lot of people on the spectrum are atheists and agnostics because so much Christian language is hard to relate to and abstract concepts can be hard to think about. Please keep this in mind. Pray for the Autism community. We need Jesus just as much as the neurotypicals do.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Things To Understand

What are some things I wish people knew about life on the spectrum? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Life on the spectrum is exciting for me, but sometimes, I know I seem odd in public. These are things I wish people knew more about me. Note that this is just me on the spectrum. Many things could apply to others on the spectrum or they might not apply to some at all. When you meet one person, you’ve met one person.

First off, if anything here is truly something that needs to change, consider autism an explanation. It is not always a justification.

Eye contact is hard. If I’m not looking in your eyes, it doesn’t mean I don’t care. If I am in such a situation, I mentally have to tell myself to look in someone’s eyes and even then, it’s a strain.

If I seem to be doing something else, it doesn’t mean I am not paying attention to you. My former in-laws found this out once when I visited them and I was playing my 3DS and they thought I wasn’t paying attention, until they found out I could repeat everything they said back to them. If anything, many times, this can be help me focus better.

This also helps if I attend a talk somewhere. If I am in the audience and on my phone, I am actually hearing what you say. This helps me to better pay attention. If I’m not, I can easily have my mind wander away and miss everything.

I am not an emotional person, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have them. I can have happiness and joy, but I can also have sorrow and loss. I can also have anxiety at times and I don’t know why.

Some social situations are very stressful to me. I can go to a function where several people get together and we’re supposed to socialize, especially over food. It’s really hard for me. Please understand that. Also, please don’t ask me if I want to get anything. If I wanted to, I would have.

Please don’t ask me a question like “How are you?” I am sure you mean well, but it’s a vague question and I don’t know how much you want to know. I would prefer a simple “Hello,” instead.

I am sure you mean well, but if I don’t know you and trust you well enough, please don’t touch me. I especially hate it when people touch my back due to my steel rod. I can like touch at times, but someone has to be at the place where I can trust them and that is a place that is earned. However, if you ask, I could be more open.

I am an introvert, but even I sometimes like to be around other people. Loneliness is very real, especially when you’ve been divorced. I could want to do something with you more than you realize.

I would rather speak to a crowd of 100 people than to speak to one stranger face-to-face. The internet has been a gift as it has helped me find a voice to talk to people I normally wouldn’t get to. Even when I do evangelism for class, I normally need someone else to initiate conversation.

Speaking of such, your experience of Christianity and mine are very different. Most modern praise choruses I find simply shallow. Give me the old classic hymns, especially “Holy, Holy, Holy.” Don’t tell me about an experience of Christianity as I don’t find many concepts, such as the leading of the Holy Spirit, taught in Scripture.

Understand I will often take your language literally. Be careful with what you say. Sometimes, I do this to be humorous, but many times, I honestly don’t understand how you’re speaking.

I speak sarcasm fluently, but I’m often horrible at recognizing it.

Sometimes I need assurances things are okay between us. I don’t often know where you stand based on your body language. I often can wonder if I have offended you and be concerned about it.

In a conversation, I could be often trying to figure out everything you’re saying in every way and if it’s not a concept I’m familiar with, I can lag. I’m trying to interpret many signals at once I don’t understand. If I seem to bounce back to an earlier point, that’s why.

I find jokes funny constantly and they never stop. If I have a running joke with you, you are in a very good position. If I normally joke with you and I suddenly stop without any apparent reason, there is a reason. I joke more with people I feel safe around.

I have my personal obsessions. I can go on endlessly with you talking about Smallville and I know my video games exceptionally well, but I’m also as readers of this blog obviously know a fanatic when it comes to theology, philosophy, history, economics, etc. There are many areas I like to learn about always.

Friends mean so much to me. To have people I can rely on around me is an immense relief. When people show me they’re thinking about me, it’s incredible. It tells me I am not out of sight and out of mind.

I will often speak wordlessly. Sometimes the words are there, but it’s like there’s a mental block in my head that I can’t get past. This can often be seen as rude when I am silent, but it is not my intention. It really stings when I hear people speaking when they think I can’t hear about me being rude.

I get nervous in food situations. That’s my side of the spectrum. If I’m around people I don’t know well enough and there’s a meal going on, it gets me nervous. I tend to avoid church gatherings centered around a meal. If I visit and don’t eat anything, it’s not my trying to be rude. It’s just uncomfortable for me and I’m extremely finicky anyway.

Speaking of friends from earlier, I’m extremely loyal to mine. I want to do everything I can to help you out. One reason I want to get a lady in my life is I love getting to adore someone.

Many people on the spectrum have various habits that they do. I tend to hum video game music. It’s something that gives me a sense of adventure in my life.

I like things to be orderly. I run on a tight schedule. Generally, I will take a shower at 7 every night. I will turn off my games two hours before bed, be on my computer doing work for the next hour, and then spend the next hour before turning out the light playing some light games on my Kindle as well as a little light reading.

I honestly don’t notice many things like hygiene. If I miss a spot shaving, that’s why. Even when I’m doing that kind of thing, I have to keep my mind occupied and I’m usually reading a book at the same time.

Vague terms don’t make sense to me. I’ve recently found this out as now it makes sense why when I was sick as a child and my mother would ask “How do you feel today?” I never knew what to say exactly. Give me something specific I can work with.

If you want to get into my world easier, speak about my interests. It’s a great way to open me up.

If you come forward wanting to immediately be my friend and are really extroverted, I will be wary of you immediately.

I am capable of a lot more than you realize. When you try to tell me I am not capable of something when I am convinced that I am, you just increase my drive all the more. Telling me I am not just means you don’t believe in me to me. It means so much when people believe in me and invest in me.

If you must correct me on something, be gentle and please let me know we’re okay at the end. That assurance means a lot. At the same time, I’m not a child. It’s a fine line, but we can find it together.

That’s a lot, but one more thing to understand…..

I am also in the image of God just as you are. I happen to love my Christian walk and I see Jesus as my king and try to serve Him to the best of my ability. I consider my autism a gift as it allows Christ to shine through in my weaknesses all the more when the world said I wouldn’t succeed at all.

There are plenty of other people on the spectrum. Like I said, some of what I said will apply to them. Some won’t. Get to know the person you’re dealing with. We’re all individuals.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

The Path of Overcoming

What have I gone through so far? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

I have been writing about the case of Zoraya Ter Beek, the lady who wants to have herself killed. She has depression, Borderline, and Autism. I can’t speak to living as Borderline, but I can speak to living with the other two. Mainly, I want to write about Autism. I wrote that life is hard for everyone and I have had to overcome challenges so I figured with this month being Autism Awareness Month, why not do that?

As you read this, realize I am only talking about myself. A parent might say “Well, my child is not high-functioning like you are.” Okay. I’m not wanting to undermine anyone else or say “Because I did it, everyone on the spectrum can.” Not a bit.

So anyway, my parents could tell I was different early on. Mainly because I spoke in a way that only close relatives could understand me. Also, my diet was extremely finicky and still is to this day. Not only that, I was unusually intelligent.

The story goes that the first book I was reading was a big white Bible we had. I would look over it every day and they do know I asked about this one word in it. Chapter.

One day, my Dad took me to the mall with him and went to a store, I think Service Merchandise, and sat me down in front of a computer while he went to play a game, thinking I would just hit random letters and numbers. When he returned, there was a small crowd in front of the computer and I was still sitting there. My Dad looked and on the screen were all the books of the Bible in order, spelled correctly, and with how many chapters they had. He was asked if I had done this. He didn’t know and so cleared the screen and asked me to do it again, which I did.

I have no memory of this, but such is childhood.

I was put in Transition, not because I wasn’t smart enough, but for the social skills that I was lacking, which meant I didn’t go straight from Kindergarten to first grade. As I progressed though, I was studying math at a higher grade level and I was the youngest one ever in the Math Olympiad.

My parents meanwhile were still taking me to see specialists and they had their own predictions about me. I would never finish middle school or high school or go to college or drive a car or hold a job or live on my own. Some wanted to see me institutionalized and with my finicky diet, some thought I needed feeding tubes for life.

My mother said no and some of those doctors were never allowed to see me again.

I do remember before middle school, my parents wanted me to go to the school first, especially since it had a hurdle they wanted to make sure I could handle.

Stairs.

There was some anxiety for me, but I remember telling my mother that no, I couldn’t stop. I had to do this. As a lifelong gamer, I wonder if that had anything to do with it. I had a drive in me to overcome challenges. My parents know if someone tells me I can’t do something, that just makes me often want to do it all the more.

Honestly, for the most part, school was easy for me and sometimes boring. I wasn’t challenged. I had my friends also fortunately and there were always people looking out for me. I know when I got to high school I somehow got Most Studious in my senior class, which surprised me since I never studied.

Also in high school, I had to have scoliosis surgery. It was just before I turned 16 and I had a steel rod put on my spine. While most kids were learning how to drive, I was learning how to walk again, literally. Still, I was a fighter. I was supposed to wait until six weeks of school to go back, but I went back after two. I couldn’t stay just being at home all day. However, the whole year, someone else had to carry my bags for me and I had to leave class early so I could have time to go to the restroom and make it to my next class. Why? Because a hard bump from someone in the hallways could send me right back to the hospital.

It was also at that time I went through some personal struggles that led me to having panic attacks and anxiety in a major way for the first time.

Now looking back, remember those people who said I would never finish high school? They were wrong. They said I would never drive a car? Wrong. They said I would never have a job? Wrong.

I wasn’t ready to move away from my parents, but I was ready for college and went to Bible College because the main thing I knew was the Bible. I still get a kick out of Voc Rehab who worked with me trying to tell me to not go into ministry. After all, they didn’t think I could handle public speaking.

As it turns out, I love public speaking, Speaking one-on-one I find terrifying, but in Bible College, I did give a senior sermon to my entire student body including professors. Not a problem.

When I came, I was a bit quiet and passive, but then I discovered apologetics there and it changed. One of my professors noted how I quickly became someone who was sociable and could speak to others and especially with my professors. I had a good friend there who also told me after hearing me speak in class one day about Southern Evangelical Seminary where I could study apologetics more. My path was set.

After I graduated, I decided I wanted to go there, but I knew I would be on my own, so I needed to demonstrate first to my parents I could handle it. I would live in an apartment on my own for a year. While there, I would apply to SES and then move to Charlotte, NC, from my home in Knoxville, TN. I came up with a way I think was highly persuasive to have them let me move out on my own.

I came home one day and they were sitting on the back porch and I went and sat with them and told them “I just put money down on an apartment.”

Like I said, highly effective.

After a year there, I along with my friend David Sorrell from TheologyWeb.com who lived in Missouri, moved to Charlotte together. We were immediately noticed by people and hobnobbing with the president and Dr. Geisler and others. We also heard something about these two guys who showed up at our new church recently gung-ho about spiritual things.

However, we had one major problem in our living situation we hadn’t prepared for.

What if one of us got married?

And shockingly, that was me.

Mark down something else the experts I’m sure thought would never happen.

I have written plenty about my marriage throughout multiple posts in the past, but I didn’t finish school when I defended my then father-in-law and eventually, we moved to Atlanta, Georgia, and we had a new companion, Shiro the cat. I had a firm goal to be an excellent husband, but unfortunately, issues came up and as you know, I am sadly divorced.

That kind of rejection still stings every day.

But I refused to give up. I came back to Knoxville and then set to making plans to move on my own and decided upon a recommendation from my pastor to go with New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. My seminary is over 600 miles away from my parents in Knoxville. It was hard enough on my parents when I moved to a neighboring state. Now I live over 600 miles away. It’s all me.

That doesn’t mean I’m alone at all. Not a bit. I have friends. I have a community here. I would say I am the face of the Post Office on campus. I am known as a cut-up and yes, people do ask me if I affirm the virgin birth, which I do affirm. I am in therapy working to learn social skills more, especially since one of the strongest desires of my heart is to remarry.

You know what? It’s hard sometimes still, but life is good overall. Before I left Knoxville, I bought a small Echo for my parents so we can talk every day and I can see them and they can see me and they can see Shiro who is with me now. I am working on learning YouTube to make videos for my channel, writing a book for a publisher on video games and Christianity, and I should finish my Master’s at the end of the year.

I am a research pastor at my church, though I am pushing to have that be Pastor of Apologetics. I am a regular speaker at Defend speaking on Autism and Christianity and Video Games and Christianity, which the latter will likely be my PhD focus. I have about a dozen books or so I am going through and definitely on the Kindle I read some of each every day. The only times I have missed in a long time were in the past month when I was sick and just didn’t want to do everything.

One reason I share my Patreon often is it is still a struggle financially, especially with this month being tax season. If you have been blessed by my blog over the years, please consider it. You can find a link below and there is one right here.

There are still Autism struggles that I have. I can speak sarcasm fluently, but I don’t know when other people are doing it to me. I don’t understand social cues often and I do deal with loneliness often. I do basics of housekeeping, but I pay someone else to come by about every other month to do a deep cleaning. (And with the steel rod, it’s hard to do some of it anyway.)

If anything makes it worthwhile and easier for me, it’s my Christian commitment. That has been strong all my life and has been the foundation I keep coming back to. It is the very reason I am here at seminary. I am thankful to have a community here with people who genuinely care about me.

I plan to write some more on Autism Awareness, but this is to say that you can overcome to. So can your loved one. I always like to remember how years ago the “experts” said I wouldn’t be doing everything I am doing right now.

It is certainly one way I have enjoyed proving people wrong.

I don’t know where the game will take me next, but I am in it for the long haul.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)