Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we’re diving into the ocean of truth. Tonight, I’m going to be continuing our look at marriage from a perspective of one year later as the Mrs. and I just celebrated one year together recently. Last time, I emphasized that marriage was a covenant. Covenants involve two parties at least.
So in this covenant, which party should I seek the best for?
The answer? Her. Who should she be seeking the best for? Me. If I am seeking her good and finding joy in that, we both win. If she is seeking my good and finding joy in that, we both win also. We win doubly when we both do that. Of course, this means being aware of what you want and being able to communicate that to your spouse in the hopes that it will get fulfilled.
Often, we can make the mistake of thinking that what we want is obviously what the other person will want. In our marriage, I’m the bookworm. My wife will not be as thrilled as I would be however to get books as a gift. Meanwhile, she’s the artist, but she knows a book of art will not please me as much as a book. Just because she likes it doesn’t mean it’s what I want and vice-versa.
This can also happen with other interests. Because she finds great joy in doing something, it does not mean that I will find the same joy. Because I find great joy in doing something it does not mean she will find the same. In some cases, you will need to do what the other spouse wants realizing that they will also do what you want. No one person can dominate. Marriage needs 50/50.
When you’re single, it’s easy to lose sight of this. You’re on your own and you have to look out for yourself and you can develop a mindset of look out for #1. When you get married, you have to change that mindset. No ifs, ands, or buts. You have to! You can’t be with someone and focused on your needs and desires and have the other person be too.
Naturally, we all fail at this at times. I am aware of the times that my wife wants something and I’m thinking “What can I get out of this?” when in reality if I am thinking what I can get out of this the answer should be “The joy and happiness of my wife and that is enough for hers joy and happiness is mine.”
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 for example that the bodies of the spouses belong to each other. While Paul was talking about sex in that passage, it goes beyond just sex. You and that person are interwoven now till death do you part. They are not just another limb of your body that it would be hard if something happened to, but they’re not the main thing. They have to be connected so that their pain is yours and their joy is yours.
In all this of course, keep in mind that that person is your spouse. They are not your god. Both of you are to keep Christ first in your marriage and as you move closer to Him, you will in turn move closer to one another. Something I will write on later that I find extremely helpful is that my wife and I pray together every night before we go to sleep. I cannot stress how important this is and I think all couples should be doing this. (In fact, in our phone conversations, we did this even before marriage. Yes. This includes times staying up till 1 A.M. even talking on the phone)
So how about you in your marriage? Is it about you or about them?
We shall continue next time.