Tag: marriage

Two Years Today

Two years of what? Let’s talk about it on Deeper Waters.

In the past, I kept to myself, but around two years ago, I did make a personal announcement that people who did not know me were probably very surprised by. I announced then that I had met someone very special and I would be out for about a week as I was getting ready to tie the knot.

Today, that has been two years.

It’s really incredible all that we’ve gone through. We’ve had deaths in the family. I had a gallbladder attack that resulted in my needing surgery. We’ve had to move. I’ve lost a job. I’ve been unemployed (And still am.). In two years, we’ve faced a number of crises, some of which we’ve probably forgotten.

And we’re still going strong.

It’s not to say it hasn’t been work at times, but should we expect anything less? In our world today, to learn to love the other and put your own needs and desires second place is extremely difficult, especially in an individualistic culture that looks at each person as the center of their universe.

Let’s face it. The old man can rise up in us all and needs to be put to death and marriage is one of the best ways to find out what your nature is really like. It reminds me even of how someone at my last job once asked me the best way to learn forgiveness. I answered “Get married.” Why? You spend a lot of your time either giving forgiveness or asking it. In my case, it’s asking.

As readers know, we haven’t had much and that’s been difficult. It’s not just paying for basic necessities in this tough economy, but I do have a very generous side that would love to give more gifts to my wife than I can afford to do and I hate to have to say no.

Something else you learn about marriage is that love grows every time. My wife is more beautiful today than when I was dating her. She means more to me today and half the time I find myself stunned at the things I think and believe because I had no idea that such a commitment was possible.

Noteworthy also for my friends is to see the change that has come. Aspies usually don’t have the best of diets, yet I’ve had increased diversity there ever since my Princess came along. Doctors today be they physicians or mental doctors have been stunned since they had given up hope long ago. A good woman can just be a great incentive.

Study has also been more important now. My wife has greatly caused my confidence to increase and while I’m unemployed, I’ve been making the most of my time with vociferous reading from the local library. I have high hopes of winning a kindle in their summer reading contest. I even already subscribe to the free list of books on Kindle and get those emailed to me.

As for the apologetics field, I hope to see it grow. I believe we are on a great quest right now and there’s no telling where it’s going to go. I realize things are hard, but being a theologian, I realize who’s in charge of the story as well and trust that He will guide us to a good outcome. While my resume may not be getting many bites, I will still try to no end.

Any way, to my Princess, you are the love of my life! Happy Anniversary from your Phoenix!

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Self-Focused Sexuality

Why are we having a debate over the marriage question? Let’s talk about it on Deeper Waters.

I was in a debate on Facebook on same-sex marriage when someone wanting to respond to my view told me that if my view is correct, then divorce should be illegal.

It was at that moment that I got a further realization of how depraved our culture is.

“If marriage is a lifelong sexual commitment between a man and a woman, then divorce should be illegal.”

“But divorce should not be illegal because divorce is a good.”

“Therefore, marriage should not have to be a lifelong sexual commitment between a man and a woman.”

Was this said explicitly of course? No. The argument does seem to assume that divorce is some kind of good and we ought to have it. See how ridiculous my position would be then? I take this thing that is a good and say that if my view on marriage is correct, this should not be.

In fact, my reply was to congratulate the person on agreeing with Jesus. Jesus, if you remember, when asked about divorce, said that Moses granted divorce because of the hardness of hearts, but it was not always this way. God did not design marriage to be separated by divorce. Now Jesus did grant it in the case of unfaithfulness to the covenant, and there are such sad cases, but those cases are for when the good thing has already gone incredibly bad.

It would be a mistake to start with divorce as the good. We must start with marriage as the good. We should not be seeking to protect the state of divorce. We should instead be seeking to protect the state of marriage.

Could this be part of the reason why we even have the debate on SSM to begin with? Every argument is built on premises and there are times that those premises themselves have to be questioned. If marriage is just simply about the happiness of the people involved, then I agree, there would not really be an argument against SSM. Now marriage can and does bring happiness to the two, but is that what the institution is all about? Does marriage exist simply to make us happy?

As Christians, we are to believe that our happiness is found ultimately in God. There are things here that can make us happy, but they cannot be the source of our happiness. Our spouses can make us happy, but they should not be our happiness. Sexual union can also bring about happiness, but it should not be the source of happiness. If we make either of those the source, we make a huge mistake as we end up creating an idol.

For our culture, sex is the big one. We live in a society that says you are not living a complete life if you have not had sex. I happen to have friends who are single and still virgins and I am convinced they are living lives of much higher quality than those people I know of who are shacking up or who are having one-night stands regularly.

It is my hope that they will marry, because I do think marriage provides a great joy and I want them to have it, but at the same time, if for some reason they decide to not marry, then that is alright. They are not living incomplete lives. It is possible to go through life without ever having sex and still to have led a rich and full life.

Yes. You heard that right.

Now as a married man, supposing, and God forbid, my wife suddenly died. I would be without sex in my life then. It would be something very hard, no doubt, and something I would miss assuming I never remarried, but it would be entirely possible still. My life is enriched by sex, but my life does not depend on it. You will not find a medical report anywhere that says “Cause of death: Lack of sex.”

Our society just finds this incredible to think about. We have films like the 40 year-old Virgin. After all, who could reach the age of 40 and still be a virgin? How bizarre would that be?

Yet I wonder if anyone would really describe our society overall as happy with this. We might have some temporary pleasures every now and then, but could we not be more like addicts seeking more and more pleasure from various places and needing more and more to get us the necessary high each time?

A married couple should not have this problem. It is the constant growing with the other person physically, emotionally, intellectually, socially, and sexually that shapes things. The intimacy is regularly built that you become one with the person and rather than wading in many shallow pools of sexual flings, we end up diving in a sexual ocean with one person becoming more and more aware of them every time.

The great danger is to come seeking solely your pleasure. Now you need to be aware of your own pleasure so your spouse can know what does and doesn’t bring you pleasure, but if you are just seeking your own pleasure entirely, you are not loving the other person. You are treating them as an object.

For this reason men, we should sometimes be thankful our wives tell us “no.” Men tend to be the ones that want to enjoy sex the most and women don’t. Why is it that a man should be thankful for something like this? Mark Gungor, a Christian pastor with the “Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage” says in his DVD presentation that there are some men who marry a woman with a strong sexual appetite and that he thinks he speaks on behalf of all men when he says to those guys “We hate you.”

Without some limitations, we could tend to dominate our wives. We could think they exist solely for our pleasure. They do not. Keep in mind we also exist to bring them happiness. In fact, in Deuteronomy, if a man got married, he was not to go to war for a year so he could bring cheer to his wife. That’s right. The man was supposed to avoid defending his country so he could make his wife happy.

It does not say so she can bring cheer to the man. (And this is supposedly a sexist culture remember)

I’ve recently been reading “And the Band Played On” by Randy Shilts on the spread of AIDS. Shilts was in fact a homosexual who died of AIDS, and regularly one hears about the homosexual experience in the book where men who just always want more pleasure would find more and more partners, and more would be needed, as well as more experiences. The number of sexual partners a man could have in his life would be astronomical.

Why does that matter? Because with no limitations placed on appetite, one can allow it to dominate, and when an appetite for that which is less than the greatest good dominates, then it will quickly lead to idolatry. Could this be some of what Paul has in mind in Romans 1?

What has this been all about? It’s been all about seeking our happiness. Marriage is not about that. It is hard work. Why? You are a fallen individual and the person you marries is fallen and when our fallenness collides with that of another, you can be sure that there will be conflict. My Mrs. and I can get upset sometimes over the craziest things. We can know it’s crazy, but hey, we’re fallen.

That being said, we both want the other person to shine in the future. My wife wants to see my ministry flourish and is excited about where she thinks I am going. Meanwhile, I see that my wife has a lot of good to her that she has a hard time realizing and I am looking forward to seeing that beautiful flower bloom more and more.

We have this idea that everything in life is supposed to be easy. It’s not. Most things in fact are hard. I’ve said on a recent blog I think that I try to read at least 100 pages a day, often more. That can be difficult with balancing time between being with my wife, helping around the house, doing any work, just some quiet pleasure time, and all the other demands of the day. It’s good to be able to answer questions, but the wrong approach to getting the ability to answer questions is not to sit down and pray “God. Give me the knowledge I need,” and then do nothing. There is nothing wrong with praying that, but be sure to follow it with actions. Be sure to be going to a library, listening to podcasts, attending conferences, studying, dialoguing with others, and taking classes at colleges and Seminaries.

The reality is that you actually have to be seeking knowledge in order to get knowledge. What would it mean to say “I want knowledge” but then say “But I don’t want to do all the things that will bring about knowledge?” If that is your attitude, then you do not really want knowledge. You might think it’d be nice to have, but it just isn’t worth the effort.

If you want a good and happy marriage, you will have to work. It does not matter who you marry. Work will be an essential. That person will change over time and you will have to love them through all the changes. This will help you to become a more holy person. When you are tempted to complain about your spouse’s attitude, it will show you much in your own attitude you need to work on.

We often hear about how hard the Bible is on women with the term “submit.” Most don’t take the time to look at what else is in Ephesians 5. I was recently talking with a friend on the phone whose wife is going through a hard time and reminding him of what it says.

What does it say? How are husbands to love their wives? “As Christ loved the church.” As I told him, that better terrify you. That is a huge calling. What man is going to look and say “Yeah. I can love a woman the way Christ loves the church?” It is supreme arrogance to think that we apart from the Holy Spirit could do that, but yet, this is what we are called to do. We are called to the most sacrificial love of all. (And keep in mind, this is in that sexist book again.)

The first step is to stop looking at other people, including our spouses, to fulfill our desires. The second step is to stop looking at ourselves as having our purpose be to fulfill the desires of our spouses. What? “But Nick, I thought you were saying we need to have that self-sacrificial love.”

Correct. We are. There is nothing wrong with seeking some of your desires to be filled and some of your spouses. The person we should desire the most to please is God. When we are loving our spouse, we should be asking if we are loving in a way that is pleasing the heart of God. If we are pleasing God, we will benefit our spouse. We can be thinking we are loving our spouse, but if we are not pleasing God, then we are not really loving our spouse as we ought.

For those who are single, live in such a way to please God as well and count on Him for your happiness. If you want to marry, that’s just fine. Go ahead and seek a spouse. Just don’t make your spouse an idol. If you don’t want to marry, then be aware of what that comes with, such as a life without sexual intercourse. You can still lead a rich and fulfilling life. You will have to ask if that is a worthwhile sacrifice. Christianity only teaches two options. You either have no sex, or you get married and have sex with only that person.

Perhaps when we realize that everything is about the joy of God instead of our joy, we can recover the hope of the world and restore marriage for a watching world. Our view of everything should be different because we are Christians and yet it seems for marriage, our thinking is usually the same as the world’s. Christ has changed everything. He changed the view of the first century peoples on sex and marriage. Let us not forsake that new view to return to the old.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

How Not To Argue Marriage

Is there a way to not argue for marriage? Let’s talk about it on Deeper Waters.

I recently got shown a letter in the local newspaper by a minister writing about how unconditional love demands the recognition of same-sex marriages. I was quite appalled at what I saw and immediately drafted out a response that after some shortening, the newspaper is going to put up.

In checking the web site to see what people are putting up, I notice the rampant quoting of Scripture. Now I love Scripture and think we should all know and treasure it, but I do not think the way we are going to win the marriage debate is by quoting Scripture.

Here in the South, it might have more credibility, but I’d like for you if you’re a Christian to imagine what it would mean for you if someone said that their Scripture, the Koran, tells you how it is you’re supposed to live. It could even be something you agree with as Islam does not approve of homosexuality, and yet you would not take it seriously. It is doubtful you’d go out saying “The Koran says the same thing!”

The problem is the person you’re usually dialoguing with will not accept the Bible as authoritative. Now if they do, that would change things, but even still there can be a problem.

What will usually happen is that someone will quote Leviticus 18 and tell how homosexuality is considered an abomination. The skeptic will reply “And so is eating shellfish. Should we do away with that?” Now I do not believe this is a good argument, but it is a common one. What will happen? You will immediately shift away from the topic of homosexuality to a debate on biblical inerrancy and interpretation.

In fact, you could, and I believe you can, win that argument and the person will then just say “Well that was also another time and culture.” This is a route where you could win the battle and lose the war. Of course, there is an answer to that, but would it not be best to avoid the debate altogether?

The moral commands of the Bible were not new. One does not need Scripture to know right from wrong. If you were to go to Leviticus 18 and 20, two passages that condemn homosexuality, you would find this. In both passages we are told that the nations Israel is dispossessing are being driven out because of these actions. In other words “They are getting punished for what they know is wrong.” If this knowledge could not be known, there would be no basis for punishment.

If this is the case, then instead of looking at just what Scripture says, which is informative, let’s look at why it says it. What is the reasoning that we can all possess that should show us that homosexual behavior is wrong and is part of general revelation?

There are many ways of doing this. Some people come from a medical perspective and show the dangers of the behavior. Some come from a statistical behavior and using social sciences study the behavior to show the problems. Some, like myself, come with a philosophical bent and seek to study sexuality that way and the family and show how it’s wrong.

These are all effective ways and prevent another great danger. When we reason with just the Bible, we are more prone to look like brain-dead fools. I am certainly not saying we are, but I am saying that that is how we will be perceived. We can actually take up the weapons of the enemy and meet them on their own turf and win. The one who loves the Bible should also love knowledge outside the Bible.

This will lead to better debates, debates we can all take more seriously, and let’s hope that they are.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Marriage and Moving

So now that we have the big move done, what’s been learned since then? Let’s talk about it on Deeper Waters.

I’ve been told that it’s awfully popular whenever I write about marriage and now that we’re moved into a new house, there have come some changes in how we approach matters so let’s talk about it.

To begin with, we’re living next to my folks, seeing as it is my grandmother’s old house after all. We immediately decided that we would establish some boundaries. Naturally, my folks have some authority around our household, but they also know that the final decision comes down to myself. If I think they are incorrect with something that they are saying about my wife, I will say so. It may not be immediately. I might have to think about their perspective for awhile before I finally decide.

Finances are still tough for us. I’m still looking for another job and looking to raise up funds through Ratio Christi, but being as I’m very much Aspie, that aspect of speaking is difficult. Talking to someone about the evidence that Jesus rose from the dead and that God exists? Sure. Any time. Talking to someone about fundraising? Hard as can be.

We do have a whole lot more room now which means more places to walk around. My wife is turning our attic into her art studio, which is just fine with me since the stairs to the attic have always frightened me anyway and she’d be more comfortable up there. Meanwhile, since the house has two bedrooms and we only need one, the other one is for the time being my office, so as I write this, I am writing it in my office.

The office is quite nice to have. My wife hasn’t really liked the idea of being surrounded by books, but in our old apartment, I had to keep them all in the bedroom and she was surrounded. Now, my books have their own place, although she is still hopeful that someday I’ll get a Kindle. I wouldn’t mind it either, but I’ve heard the Nook allows for library check-outs, which might be better for me.

While we thought there’d be something awkward about living in my grandmother’s old house, so far there hasn’t been. Every now and then I do have a memory of things in this house with her, but by and large, we’ve established it as our house and I do know the history more of this house now and that several members of my family have lived here. My wife and I are just the latest in a long line of people in the family to take up residence and we hope we honor those who came before us and whoever will follow after us.

Sleeping is still difficult at times. Is it because we’re in my grandmother’s old house? No. It’s actually a quite different reason. For some reason, we don’t have a door to the bedroom and so every morning, our cat decides to let us know that he wants breakfast and comes in, usually around 6:30 whining for us to feed him. For me, once I get up around then, I can’t go back to sleep, but I’ve managed to adjust. I usually spend some time on the PSP or DS last thing before bed which actually helps calm me down. Or else it’s just that due to my being an Aspie, I like the familiarity and that’s what it takes for me.

My wife also has her dream kitchen here, which is a 50’s style diner. There’s several Coca-Cola products. I’m especially thankful in it for the new stove some generous friends of the family got us. Our stove automatically will heat to the temperature for us, tell us when it’s ready, and then has it’s own timer. I’m quite sure it’d shut itself off as well. Believe it or not for some of you, I can do some of the cooking around the house.

We also now live in the country. My wife hopes to be gardening more towards the summer. We can also go walking easily and there are no fast-food restaurants and such around so we more have to make sure that what we have lasts. The library, post office, and a place to get hair cut are all within walking distance.

I happen to love walking. I carry a walking stick with me every time not only for that awesome adventuring feel, but just for safety, especially since some people who live in our street own dogs and if I ever met a really vicious one, I want to be ready. I also walk reading a book at the same time and can get in several pages on a brief walk.

So living in a house really changes our approach. It has also come with lessons on marriage. Having my parents around means that we regularly interact with another married couple. My aunt and uncle live next door as well, and they even used to live in this house, and they are much older in age and so we hope to do our part to help take care of them. They have been married longer than my own folks have been around.

Looking for churches has been difficult. We want to find a church that is more contemporary in style, but I also do like to hear the old hymns some. We also want to make sure that this is a church that realizes the importance of the apologetics ministry and sadly, many don’t. I am regularly disappointed by the churches and realize how far we have to go in working on them.

There is also the division of duties. My wife loves the kitchen so that’s mainly her responsibility. Still, I try to do my part. When we make up the bed, that is a task for both of us to do together. I maintain my own office and as for the cat, I handle his litter box. Also, like all men out there, I have the tasks of taking out the trash and handling those vicious intruders that sometimes come in known as “bugs.”

In all the change, we are still husband and wife and that means learning to love the right way. How is it that a man is loved by Christ? He is to love his wife the same way. In our society, too many people often think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence and thus don’t take care of their own marriage.

Little tip guys, and also for you women who are abandoning marriage. If the grass is not green for some reason, have you ever considered that maybe you need to be a better gardener? In fact, this is what Ephesians tells us to do. We are to present our brides before Christ and maybe we’re not taking that position as seriously as we ought sometimes. The wife and I often talk about how we can improve things since we can regularly hear the statistics even in churches. I think part of the problem is we don’t have the foundation of marriage. We just have the ethics but not a basis and the ethics are floating in the air.

The basis for the faithfulness is the covenant system in the NT. For those who hold to eternal security, this should have any more weight seeing as you believe Christ is faithful even when you are not. Whenever one has a disagreement with the spouse, it is wise to look at yourself and say “How am I treating Christ?” It can be quite amazing to find out you’re not much better.

We also learn that we need to have some of our own time. There are times I just want to be in my office working on my material alone. There are times that she wants to be on her laptop. There are times I go walking and it’s just me and I’m find with that. We do have special together times such as visiting my family or watching something on the TV. I’ve been surprised to find out that she quite likes the Waltons, a series I’d never seen before.

For together times, for many of my friends, something needs to be said about how sex fits into all of this. For the men, it’s not a secret that we usually have strong libidos. Consider the joke that has been made about the Muslim version of Heaven. When a man gets there and finds 70 women waiting on him, that’s heaven. If a woman got there and saw 70 men wanting her, that’d be hell.

I do have a distress I often see amongst young men who are not married and are asking me now “What’s the big deal about waiting till marriage?” Sometimes, these are Christian men and it’s very sad that I have to ask now when counseling some men who are interested in women “Are you planning on waiting until marriage?”

Most couples don’t realize the explosive force that they’re unlocking when it happens and it is something that will forever change your relationship. You will never look at each other the same way again and you will forever have to watch the way that you look at the opposite sex.

Christians. Be on guard with how you handle this area prior. Watch the attitude you have towards the opposite sex. For we men for instance, we can constantly have that rolodex of women we knew before and we have to do what we can to banish that from our minds. My wife often thinks I’m being paranoid, but I make it a point to not look at other women because I don’t want my mind to wander. This is especially true when watching TV or a movie as my wife will often have to tell me when I can look again.

Now I have often said preachers preach too much on the negatives and not on the positives. Let’s get some positives. Enjoy this aspect of marriage very very much. I often look forward to my friends getting married so they can get to experience the great gift of marriage. It is a great gift and remember that God made it to be enjoyed.

We Christians can sometimes be so prudish at times on sexuality that we make it a difficult for a couple to switch positions once they’re married. Before marriage, we are rightfully told to avoid sex. After marriage, we are rightfully told to enjoy it. The problem is we’re not given a reason why to avoid and then not given a reason why to enjoy.

The reason you avoid is that you are not yet in a covenant and in a position of total trust. If you think you are in that position, then at least be willing to go get married immediately. If that seems like a big step to you, then you are definitely not in the position to be having sex. You are wanting the pleasures of covenant without the commitment of covenant.

Why enjoy it? Because you are in that covenant. There’s no reason not to. God made the system and He made it for you to enjoy it. Why is it enjoyable? It’s because God designed it that way. The union that is that of husband and wife is meant to be an image of the union between God and man one day. If the shadow is God’s incredible gift, we can’t help but wonder how awesome the reality will be.

But for those who are single, do not despise your virginity. Instead, enjoy it as a badge of honor that you are being faithful for your special person and one day, if you get married, the other person will be very grateful and you can truly say that you two have only ever known each other.

Once again, marriage is a gift and where we live now is also a gift. There is much more to learn I am sure, but I hope what I have said has been helpful to those out there.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Is Marriage Failing?

Has the institution of marriage let us down? Let’s talk about it on Deeper Waters.

Readers of the blog know that for all intents and purposes, I am still a Newlywed and this has been a major learning experience. I often look forward to my male friends who are single getting married themselves so they know the joy of it, but at the same time want to prepare them for realities. Marriage is awesome, but it is also something that requires work.

My wife and I are both diagnosed with Asperger’s. This makes our marriage even more interesting. Something we discovered early on was that while there are many ways we have to say “I love you,” some are unique to us. Her cooking me something is such a way and wanting to buy me something is a way. For me, I am all about knowledge and one way I have done so is by ordering books on marriage and reading about being a good husband.

I also listen to podcasts. One I’ve found quite enjoyable is Marriage Today with Jimmy and Karen Evans. (Link below) I think the advice given is often quite good and my wife and I have started the pattern of listening to an episode together and then discussing it. We listened today to one on God’s indestructible plan for marriage. After that, we discussed what the subject was, how women need to feel loved and secure and how men need to feel respected and honored.

We then talked about ways we do this for each other and then talked about ways we don’t do this for the other and how we’d like to see change. We also set up a rule that we want it to be that when she does not feel loved by something I do, she can tell me without fear of criticism or defensiveness, and when I don’t feel respected by something she does, she can tell me without fear of criticism or defensiveness. It doesn’t mean that the person speaking is right, but they do have a right to speak. I really think this would be a great rule for many marriages to follow.

However, there was one point I disagreed with on the show and that was when Jimmy Evans said that the institution of marriage was failing as more and more people were unmarried than ever before and divorce was becoming more prevalent. Some of you could be wondering “With unwed mothers, homosexuality on the rise, and cohabitation without marriage rising, how could you say the institution of marriage is not failing?” Some of you I hope have caught the distinction, and it is one my wife caught immediately when someone gave her the same kind of statement.

The institution of marriage does not fail. People fail the institution of marriage.

You see, the system works great. It’s God’s idea. It’s just the people that are in the system are often problematic. Why is this? One reason that comes to my mind immediately is how self-centered each of us is. We are all constantly looking out for #1.

Sure. The husband is more than willing to help with taking out the trash, but there’d better be sex in it for him or else he’s going to be upset. Meanwhile, of course the wife is willing to have sex with her husband, but he’d sure better be sure to paint the kid’s bedroom!

This can sadly happen and in each case, each person is looking out for #1 and not seeing the joy in helping their spouse just for helping them. Okay men. You’ve spent all day cleaning up the house to surprise your Mrs. and then think “I bet she’ll want to show me how much she appreciates this!” Let’s suppose that wasn’t on your mind really when you started, but now it is and of course, it’s all you can think about it.

Question. If she does not give you a really good time tonight, are you going to feel hurt?

Let’s hope the answer is no. She is not under obligation after all. There is nothing that says that if you do X, she must have sex with you. Keep in mind however men, that women will say you are never more attractive to them than you are when you’re doing housework. (On a forum I belong to, there was a thread once called “Female porn” that consisted of pictures of men fully clothed doing housework.)

If she does, well you can certainly enjoy that! If she doesn’t, what do you enjoy? You enjoy that you got to show love to your wife and please her. Perhaps if she is not interested, she has her own reasons and it might just be that it does not mean anything whatsoever about her lack of desire for you. Instead, just let it be. It’s not much of a gift of grace to her if you give of yourself only so you can get something in return. Keep in mind we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, which means sacrifice.

Now as to the women, so you spend all the time prettying yourself up waiting for your husband to get home from work. You’ve had a nice and long shower, put on his favorite perfume and the nicest make-up, fixed his favorite dinner, and you have those rose petals on the bed while you’re wearing a very revealing outfit all for him and have that romantic evening all planned with some nice romantic music. When he comes home, he is pleased and the night goes exactly as you wanted.

And now you go to sleep that night and think “I’ve shown my husband a great time. I hope he’ll paint the kid’s bedroom tomorrow.”

What if he doesn’t? What if the guy is still a bonehead who has not caught on as to how much this means to you? Do you get angry? “I did all this for him and he doesn’t do this for me?!” (oh how tempting it can be for us!) Or, do you delight that you showed your husband love? Note however I think this wife is on the right track. Women. You find men doing the housework attractive, but it is certain that if you nag your husbands, they will find that unattractive and will NOT want to meet your request. In fact, the way to get your husband to have more interest in your desires is to have more interest in his. One of the best things you can do in this case is to seduce your husband.

Marriage is the best way to draw you out of yourself and start you focusing on another. As you live with the other person, you have to learn how to change. You can no longer think about just what you want. Perhaps I want to spend some time in study and my wife wants to watch a movie. Am I willing sometimes to forgo that for the joy of my family, or will my wife always be second to academia? (For those concerned, we do often watch movies together at home).

Perhaps the Mrs. has been busy preparing herself to head out the door, but her husband sees her getting ready and suddenly has other things on his mind. Okay. Maybe you are too busy at this point, but does that mean you have to give a flat no? How about something like “I’d really love to right now, but I have to get to work, but I will be thinking about you all day today and if you have things ready when I get home, I will also be ready.” Be assured of this women. You will be on his mind ALL DAY!

No. You can’t do everything every time, but what would happen if in marriage each person put the needs and desires of the other above themselves? Why most of each person’s needs and desires would be met. What do we do when we seek to look out for #1? We seek to meet our needs and desires. A major difference with the first way is that in this case, we not only get them met, but we also grow in holiness and character as we reach beyond ourselves into the other.

Someone I worked with once asked me what the best way to learn forgiveness was. I answered to get married. In marriage, you spend a lot of time being forgiven and giving forgiveness because all your faults are displayed there for the other person to see and there’s nowhere to hide.

For we men, we have to learn to love with grace. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, a tall order that should fill us with terror when we see how badly we are failing obviously. The women are to love as the church loves Christ. Some women might be saying “Well that’s a relief because the church doesn’t do that one well!” It would be a mistake to think that way. The church is the body of Christ and the church is to love Christ as if they were loving themselves. How many of us are good at doing that with the other?

It’s not a surprise to me then that so many people try to take the easy way out to avoid this, but the easy way will seldom produce exemplary results. “Marriage is just a ritual” The problem is with the word ‘just’. The ceremony is certainly a ritual in a sense, but it is much more than that. The wedding day is a day that will change your life forever.

Ah. Such a risky manuever! Let us go without risks! We will try each other out first! We will see how we do and if we think we are doing well, well then we might consider marriage.

Do you like being tested? Now some of us are rare exceptions in that when test time came at school for me, I was thrilled. I thoroughly enjoyed a good test. That is because I knew the subject and could pass it and thus, that meant that I had an easy class.

What if the test was never-ending? What if the test was every day? What if you were tested on every comment, every action, and every fiber of you being? Would that be a good test? What if it was not your knowledge that was being tested, but rather you that were being tested?

What if this test determined whether this person would love or respect you and your entire future happiness could depend on this?

Are you able to be free? No. You must walk on pins and needles. Your time in the bedroom cannot be as passionate if you know that you must please this other person. You cannot seriously think about having children if you know that this other person might not be around to help raise them. How can you plan to buy that house if you could be left with a mortgage when the other person abandons you?

For a married couple, they are to stay together no matter what. Whatever happens, one makes the best of it and loves and/or respects anyway. For the couple that is living together, it is but a sham.

“Okay,” I have heard several single guys ask me. “What’s the big deal? If I’m in love with this woman, I want to have sex with her. Why should I wait?”

You know what. That’s a good question. Why should you wait? Another good one is “Why shouldn’t you?”

For single men who are willing to take this risk, you are playing a very very dangerous game. I was relieved when one friend I have who started dating already told me they were making sure that if their relationship went well, there would be no sex until marriage and that that goes without saying.

For too many guys, even Christian guys I know, it sadly does not go without saying.

The dangerous game is that this is something dynamite that will forever change the fabric of your relationship. In ancient times, most marriages were arranged at birth. Today, many still are. How did that work? The two people who never knew each other come together after the wedding for the first time. This was usually where something like a bloodied sheet would be shown so all could celebrate the marriage being consummated.

That act was what it took to begin forming the bond. Were it not that the future of the human race is built upon having children and that sex is something designed to be very pleasurable, I suspect most men would never get married. However, it is that drive for the female that makes us want to be with her and the act of sex increases that desire all the more. Don’t think it can happen and the fabric of your relationship not change. It most certainly will.

Marriage creates the perfect bond for that. This is why Paul even told men and women to only abstain if they agreed beforehand and to come quickly together lest the devil use their lack of self-control. Obvious reason even for Christian couples? Both will want more and it will quickly become something highly important in the marriage.

Marriage helps to stabilize this drive. The man knows he must work to please the woman and provide for her as she meets his need for respect. The woman knows that she must be gracious and loving so that her husband will be able to meet her need for love and security. Sexual intercourse will also be a great security for her as it will be a great affirmation of respect for him.

Why wait? Because you want to save that for the person you’ve committed your whole life to. “Well I already know she’s the one!” Okay. If you’re so sure, you should be willing to wait. Is she not worth waiting for? You can rest assured, there will be times in marriage when you have to wait. You might as well learn now.

Thus, if she is the one, wait and you will have her eventually. If she is not the one, then you can be sure you are saving yourself for the right one.

But it could just be our drive for our personal pleasure is greater than our drive for personal holiness.

And maybe that’s what the problem is at root. We are lovers of self rather than lovers of God. If you are in a marriage and you do not love your spouse, do not give me this nonsense then that you love God. Now sadly, if in the case of a situation like abuse, it could be you have to separate, but I’d also be praying for your spouse to be convicted and repent and return to holiness. Most of us are not in these situations and how can we be lovers of God and not lovers of our spouses? John told us we cannot say we love God if we do not love man who is in His image.

Let us then reach beyond ourselves and love God and love our spouses, for the glory of God, and show the world the institution of marriage is not failing.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Info on Marriage Today can be found here

Reflections on Cherokee

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. Before continuing our look at Inerrancy, I’d like to write on the weekend my wife and I had taking part in an apologetics conference in Cherokee, NC at Christ Fellowship Church.

This was put on through the work of our own church, Community Fellowship Church. There were many fine talks, including one by my best man at my wedding, an excellent talk on Mormonism and the Jehovah’s Witnesses. My wife and I quite enjoyed the company of Winfried Corduan and his wife. Some great friendships were established at this meeting. The conference ended with a panel with anyone asking questions and some turned out to be quite interesting.

Something I had to comment on on the panel was when a young boy who I found out later was 12 asked a question at the conference, and he had gone around taking notes and asking questions to many of the speakers. When he asked something, I took the mike afterwards and told the people that I found it simply extraordinary that a boy of this age was asking questions and seeking truth and implored the church to wrap themselves around this boy and teach him. I would rather have a dozen like him in the church than to have 1,200 that are just going through the motions in a church. Such a thirst for truth is to be commended.

Something that has been notable by its absence so far is the subject of my talk. I spoke on the apologetic of love, a topic chosen by my pastor based on my talk on 1 Corinthians 13 at the church. I had mine be simply a marriage seminar pointing out that the reason the homosexual community is going after marriage and that we have no-fault divorce is that the church cheapened marriage to begin with. We will raise our intellectual arms against the homosexual activists and state that marriage is a sacred covenant and they are not to misuse it for themselves, and then go home and treat our spouses like they don’t exist.

Being an aspie, it also meant that I could be transparent and make remarks that most people would not have the guts to make. That does not mean that I said anything explicit or inappropriate. The audience quite enjoyed the talk with much laughter throughout it at several pieces of humor that I would throw out. Not just intentional humor, but simply stating the truth, which Bill Cosby has shown is often funnier. (Try to think of a joke the comedian tells. He just tells the truth and the truth is funny.)

There were also several who came up and told me how much they appreciated what I had to say, and most notably to me, a lot of these were women. We had a lady in our college class at our church who told me she began writing a note to her boyfriend during the talk stating that she never took the time to appreciate all the good he did but simply criticized him on the bad. I quite look forward to finding the link to my talk when it becomes available and putting it up here for you all to listen to.

In fact, the area was so nice my Mrs. has already stated that she would love it if we could move up there sometime, and considering the way the town was we stayed at, we just might do that someday. It would also enable me to help that church up there more in their apologetic endeavors and form a good bridge between it and the church that I attend now.

For those who read this blog and wonder about supporting what is done here, please keep in mind that it is only through such support that we can speak at conferences like this. I had to take time off from work, which is days that I cannot get paid, as well as rely on the support of others. A kind lady from our church drove my wife and I there and back, some from the church helped buy us meals, and the church we spoke at covered our sleeping expenses.

I urge you then that if you think the lesson on Christian marriage and other topics in apologetics are worth speaking on, then please consider making a donation to Deeper Waters via the donate button on this blog. Also, our ministry partner is Tektonics.org and you can go to their donation page here and in your donation just state that it is for Deeper Waters. The advantage with going to Tektonics is that it is tax-deductible then.

Consider also subscribing to the blog and remember that we can be found on Facebook as well.

Finally, we definitely wish to thank the people of Christ Fellowship Church for allowing us to do this and our family at Community Fellowship Church who worked so hard to make this possible. We hope that our talk was something that will revitalize Christian marriages in the area and hopefully wherever else the message is spread and we get to speak.

We also thank you readers who do support us and read this blog regularly and we hope that many more of you will join in.

One Year Later: It’s Worth it

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. Tonight, I’m going to be wrapping up the series I’m on of looking at marriage one year later. I hope that it’s been illuminating to all readers despite their marital status. So, what final message will I end with?

Have fun.

Marriage is full of ups and downs. There are no perfect marriages. I do not believe Jesus was married, but if he had been, he would not have had a perfect marriage because he would have been married to an imperfect woman. If he could not have had a perfect one, don’t count on your having one either.

You have two people coming together with all their positives, yes, but also all their negatives. When you’re close to someone, it’s easy to get careless also and let some of those negatives show. In marriage, you get to see the person as they really are entirely. However, in seeing the other person, you can often see yourself as well. Can you control yourself enough to overcome your own faults and can you manage to not make the faults of the spouse everything?

However, you also get the fun and adventure, and that’s not just sex my male friends who might be thinking that since we tend to think about that the most. Marriage is an endless adventure as you’re connected to a person and every day you are constantly learning new things about that person.

These kinds of things are the things that could easily be taken for granted. That person has chosen to share their life with you and will always be a part of your life. Do not take them for granted. Do not act like their love is commonplace. I am constantly amazed when I hear the devotion that my wife has for me.

Do not lose sight of the simple pleasures. I find it amazing to realize I sleep in the same bed with a woman now and that I am at that phase of my life. It’s like being on a whole new plane. You really do change. To my male friends, I can assure you that marriage will change you and you will see the world through new eyes and you will find more and more your thinking changing, particularly with how you view the new woman in your life.

The relationship takes hard work. The more serious a relationship is, the harder it is. The greater also, however, the rewards are.

There was a night we had one time that I have not forgotten the main part of. We were getting set to turn out the lights and I was reaching down from the bed to get something and moving in a way I shouldn’t have and started to fall. My wife gets quite concerned since I have a steel rod on my spine. Before anything could happen, she had immediately wrapped her arms around me and said “I won’t let you fall.”

That’s the way it is. You don’t let one another fall. You fight alongside each other on all the battles. Through good times and bad, you are a unit together. You are a new family. It is a privilege that is to be enjoyed. Thus, make the most of it and have fun together. You have the rest of your lives.

Marriage. What I’ve Learned: It’s Not About Me

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we’re diving into the ocean of truth. Tonight, I’m going to be continuing our look at marriage from a perspective of one year later as the Mrs. and I just celebrated one year together recently. Last time, I emphasized that marriage was a covenant. Covenants involve two parties at least.

So in this covenant, which party should I seek the best for?

The answer? Her. Who should she be seeking the best for? Me. If I am seeking her good and finding joy in that, we both win. If she is seeking my good and finding joy in that, we both win also. We win doubly when we both do that. Of course, this means being aware of what you want and being able to communicate that to your spouse in the hopes that it will get fulfilled.

Often, we can make the mistake of thinking that what we want is obviously what the other person will want. In our marriage, I’m the bookworm. My wife will not be as thrilled as I would be however to get books as a gift. Meanwhile, she’s the artist, but she knows a book of art will not please me as much as a book. Just because she likes it doesn’t mean it’s what I want and vice-versa.

This can also happen with other interests. Because she finds great joy in doing something, it does not mean that I will find the same joy. Because I find great joy in doing something it does not mean she will find the same. In some cases, you will need to do what the other spouse wants realizing that they will also do what you want. No one person can dominate. Marriage needs 50/50.

When you’re single, it’s easy to lose sight of this. You’re on your own and you have to look out for yourself and you can develop a mindset of look out for #1. When you get married, you have to change that mindset. No ifs, ands, or buts. You have to! You can’t be with someone and focused on your needs and desires and have the other person be too.

Naturally, we all fail at this at times. I am aware of the times that my wife wants something and I’m thinking “What can I get out of this?” when in reality if I am thinking what I can get out of this the answer should be “The joy and happiness of my wife and that is enough for hers joy and happiness is mine.”

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 for example that the bodies of the spouses belong to each other. While Paul was talking about sex in that passage, it goes beyond just sex. You and that person are interwoven now till death do you part. They are not just another limb of your body that it would be hard if something happened to, but they’re not the main thing. They have to be connected so that their pain is yours and their joy is yours.

In all this of course, keep in mind that that person is your spouse. They are not your god. Both of you are to keep Christ first in your marriage and as you move closer to Him, you will in turn move closer to one another. Something I will write on later that I find extremely helpful is that my wife and I pray together every night before we go to sleep. I cannot stress how important this is and I think all couples should be doing this. (In fact, in our phone conversations, we did this even before marriage. Yes. This includes times staying up till 1 A.M. even talking on the phone)

So how about you in your marriage? Is it about you or about them?

We shall continue next time.

One Year Later. What I’ve Learned. Covenant.

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. I did not realize how long my last series would take as I had hoped to start this one around the anniversary, but it was not to be. As readers know, my wife and I recently celebrated our first anniversary and for those interested, I think I can assure you she was very pleased with how her husband treated her.

Having gone through a year now, I want to write about what all I’ve learned in yet another series. I hope this will be helpful first off to my friends who are single. If you wish to marry, I hope that what I write will be of encouragement to you and a way you can start preparing yourself. Second, I want to write it to single friends who through divorce, being widowed, or just never married and not wanting to be married, can see some more about the married life. Some might look back with fondness. Some might understand more what goes on with their married friends. Third, I want to write this for those who are currently in marriage and quite new to it like ourselves. Hopefully, my experience can ring with your experience and we can come have good discussion on this issue. (We do have a Facebook page for those wanting discussion as well) Finally, I write for those who have been married for longer and here I definitely welcome your feedback. I’m writing more from personal experience and certainly realizing I have a lot to learn.

So having said that, let’s begin.

Some of you might be surprised with the title. Did I not know marriage was a covenant beforehand? Of course I did. However, there is a way of knowing in a more abstract way as if you know facts about something, and then there is a way of knowing intimately in that you have personal experience of it. You can read and read about something like public speaking, but it takes on a whole new meaning when you do it.

Marriage is a covenant and is in that way unlike so many other agreements we make. If you don’t like your job, you can conceivably quit it and go work elsewhere. You are not obligated to work for the same company all your life. If you don’t like the school you’re at, you can go to another. If you don’t like your degree program, you can even change that. If you don’t like your roommate, you can get another. If your friends are a problem, well you see the pattern.

Not so with marriage. In marriage, you have come and bound yourself to one person and said that you will honor that person till death do you part.

Keep in mind, this isn’t a private agreement either. It’s an agreement made before God and men. In America, there have to be witnesses to every wedding. Someone else has to be able to attest that they saw these two people become husband and wife.

That seriousness needs to sink in and in marriage, it does. You come to realize what it means to have your whole life connected to this person and to have part of you revolve as it were around this person. You cannot think of yourself as a lone entity any more. There are two of you together.

Notice all the ways traditionally this is said to take place.

“For richer or poorer.”

If you and your spouse become rich, you are to remain together. Money could be a great temptation to make one person stay away as there is no need of dependence or it could be used to get away. Greed could easily enter into a relationship. The marriage could be more about earning money than about the love of the man and the woman. I’m not saying it always happens, but it could.

And for poorer? Well I assure you readers that at the time of this writing, my wife and I are definitely in the poorer state so much so that I do get very anxious often about our finances. (Keep in mind that if you support what we are doing here, you can donate to us and you can do so through Tektonics.org as a tax-deductible gift as well.)

My job that was paying me very well laid me off three months before my wedding. It was through the donations and gifts of several others that we managed to stay afloat and even have a good honeymoon. Any time I have been worried about finances, God has always come through somehow, but that does not mean that I do not worry.

It can be hard to be poor and married, especially since you want to do so much for that other person and you feel like you are failing. Money is something couples can regularly fight about. Couples should discuss money, but they should also realize where money comes from ultimately. It’s from God. This doesn’t mean to be reckless, but it means to love through the hard times despite the financial situation and when you get back in good financial standing again, learn from the previous experience.

“In sickness and in health.”

Sickness has happened often in our marriage. I will give one example. My grandmother passed away back in November of last year and I drove to Knoxville to do her funeral. It was just after Thanksgiving and we drove back and returned here to Charlotte. Shortly afterwards, we had gone to bed one night and I was reading Romans 8 to my wife, while battling a little stomach ache that had been highly persistent that evening.

She saw the light reaching under our bedroom door. I told her that I had left it on thinking she might need the light to get something to take with her medications. She told me she’d already taken them and asked me to turn the light off. Very well. I get up to do so and my stomach seems to keep acting up.

Let’s just say that when I made it back to our bedroom, I commenced to screaming, screaming at a volume the Mrs. was really unused to.

We have a good friend whose sons were groomsmen in our wedding who came over then to see me. He started pushing my stomach at which I screamed again. He insisted on taking me to the emergency room, seeing as due to a medical condition my wife can’t drive. Thus, the three of us went to the hospital and around 3:30 in the morning, we found out that I had gallstones and would have to have my gallbladder removed.

My wife was my companion throughout all of this. I was no stranger to surgery, but this time, I was scared of it. Why? “What if I don’t wake up? Who will take care of her?” Fortunately, as you can tell, I did wake up, and I have been told by numerous people that my wife’s name was the last thing I said before I went under and the first thing I said when I came out.

To make this story more interesting, we live in an apartment with a walkway to the mainland and I had to go to an appointment once, still unable to drive. Some friends came by to pick me up. It’d been snowing lately and the complex had not removed the ice from our walkway and I didn’t realize how bad it was until I was airborne and crashed down. (That happened a second time on the way to church by the way)

We’ve had the flu, we’ve had sinus infections, we’ve had rushes to the Emergency room. Everything has happened.

Keep in mind paying for all of this definitely adds to the “for poorer” part.

Sickness is a time to come together. It’s where you learn that you have to rely on the other and the idea of the glamour of marriage is not so readily seen when your spouse looks to be in absolutely terrible condition. Still, you have to stick together.

Health might seem easier, but it could be health could be a hard time as well. When you’re healthy, you don’t really realize how much you need the other person. It’s easy to take them for granted. You don’t have to do anything with them because you always have your health. Well not always.

“To love, honor, and cherish.”

These are commands. These are not options. These are also not feelings. These are actions. You are not commanded to feel. You are commanded to do. This is in fact your privilege. I plan to expand much more on aspects of these throughout this series so I’ll leave it at that for the time being.

“Till death do you part.”

And here is the covenant aspect. This is until death do you part. Marriage is final and marriage is for life. I realize there are sad circumstances where that isn’t always the case, such as abuse or infidelity, but too many people seem to want to break the knot for reasons that are not biblical.

My wife and I are in this for life and I wouldn’t have it any other way. As one continues down that road, they do notice several changes along the way. What are they?

Well that’s what this series is about isn’t it, so I guess you’ll have to keep reading as we go along.

But today, the point is that marriage is a covenant. Let that really sink in.

Call For Repentance to the PCUSA

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. I was planning on continuing our series on presuppositionalism, but a friend in the PCUSA has informed me about the denomination changing rules on sexual behavior. The story can be found here.

This has nothing to do with presuppositionalism also. It is no secret that presuppositionalists are Calvinists, but not all Calvinists are presuppositionalists. A number of strong critics of the method there come from the Calvinist camp. What I say is something I want Arminians and Calvinists both to agree on. I do not say this to the PCUSA for their stance on Calvinism, but for their stance on morality, a stance that all Christians should reject.

The question under concern is if sexual fidelity really matters. We should thus start by asking why it is that sexual fidelity does matter. What is sex? is it just a bodily function like any other function? Do a man and a woman get together for a first date and eat a meal, which is a bodily function, and then go back to “her place” and have sex together which is a “bodily function.”?

The two functions are quite different. For one thing, eating is a necessity to life. No one can survive and not eat. People can survive however and not engage in sex. Of course, the species as a whole would die out if we never had sex, but having sex is not essential to any particular human surviving.

Sex is what brings about babies because the family unit is the unit to raise children in for the interaction of male and female. A child learns what a man is like and what a woman is like. Naturally, there are some people who cannot do this due to one spouse divorcing them or the death of another spouse. This does not mean the children are scarred for life, but they will be benefited by finding someone of the opposite sex to be a mentor figure to them.

The act of sex is something that brings about great trust. When a husband and wife have sex, they have to have total openness with one another as nothing is held back. As a married man, it is a great joy for me to know that my wife delights in my body and that I can delight in hers as well. I love the fact that I have someone I can be totally open with. I also love the fact that I have someone I can adore.

That great trust however is based on the covenant promise we made to one another. We promised one another to be faithful and indeed we have been. Neither one of us had any sexual partners prior to marriage and the only person we have each known sexually is the other. I know her in a way no one else does and she knows me in a way no one else does.

We often think about couples who do not have that commitment. In that case, sexual intercourse can be a test to see if someone is “worthy of marriage.” There is no total trust. What we have is that we can go to sleep next to each other every night and know we’re going to be there for each other. For me, it is a great wonder still to sleep next to a woman every night and know that we’re in a covenant together.

Sex with the opposite sex also means trust in what the other person is experiencing. I cannot know what my wife is feeling physically due to my not being a woman. She cannot know what I am feeling physically due to my being a man. We just have to have the trust with one another about what we do like and trust that the other person is getting that joy.

Why is sex so different? Because it’s not just a function like any other function. It is a function based on the whole body. Every bit of my body is male and I function as a male just as my wife’s body is all female and she functions as a female. It is bodily, but it is not merely bodily.

In our day and age, many of us can be insecure with our bodies. News flash for you men out there. Looking in the mirror and flexing will not determine your masculinity. You can be built like a tank and not be what God really means by a man by virtue of lack of masculine character. I, for one, definitely do not have a strong build as I am underweight, but my wife would affirm my masculinity not because of my body, which she does love, but because of my attitude and the way I love her and treat her.

For you women, while I affirm I love my wife’s body, she is not her body and her femininity is not to be found in her body. I have nothing against my wife using make-up for instance, although I do have specific tastes there. I like her to go light and not have a color different from her natural color. However, I want it to be clear that her femininity does not lie in the make-up.

Masculinity and femininity are character traits of the soul as well. Are we men acting like men? Are women acting like women? More important than your body is your attitude. Of course, we must be careful and this brings us to another point. The danger with what is being said is that in Christianity, the body does matter and so does what you do with it.

One could say only character matters, but character is often expressed bodily. I realize for instance that I have not treated my body right for several years based on an attitude problem. That is my own fault. That does not have to define me however and I am working on changing that.

God came to redeem a world of matter however and matter is good. The Son took on a body and rose in a body because the body is good. We are not angels. We are meant to be unities of body and soul. Male attitudes need to be functioning with male bodies and the same with females.

It would have been good of the PCUSA to have provided actual Scripture to justify sexual immorality. Sexual morality has always been something important to Christians. It is not just a physical action, while it is that. It is a powerful joining together of two bodies meant to mirror Christ and the church and I would add the greatest physical pleasure we can have on Earth meant to remind us of the great love in the Holy Trinity.

When sexual behavior is seen as something that does not matter, we are getting to the point of the incarnation not mattering and the body not mattering. God came to redeem a fallen world and that is a material world. If he says sexuality matters, then we need to know it matters.

But what about grace? Oh I’m all for grace! However, for there to be grace there must be repentance from sin. For there to be repentance, there must be confession. For there to be confession, there has to be awareness. One must have a moral standard of sexuality to be aware of sexual sin. Destroy the concept of sexual sin and there is no grace there. It would be like saying I need God’s grace FOR loving my wife as I ought. I can say I need His grace to do that as a fallen human being, but I certainly do not need forgiveness for that which is no sin.

In closing, I call on the PCUSA to change this policy. Continue with the historic Christian church in affirming not just orthodoxy in belief, but orthopraxy in lifestyle.