Tag: meals

Hollywood and Autism Part 3

What can we learn from Adam? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

When I was a student at Southern Evangelical Seminary, the movie Adam came out in the theaters. I went to see it with a friend of mine. I was dating the girl who is now my ex-wife at the time, but she lived in Atlanta around 200 miles away so our seeing it together wasn’t exactly convenient.

The movie is a romantic comedy as Adam is on the spectrum and he meets a woman named Beth and they fall in love. Beth has to accommodate a lot due to the way Adam is. Adam will often speak bluntly and sometimes, it is inappropriately. He asks Beth at their first meeting if she feels aroused and when the two go to an event together a lady asks them if they want to see some baby pictures. Adam says “No.”

There is another scene that resonated especially with me and there are many people on the spectrum who are like this and that is Adam going to his cupboard to get out a meal. It is largely filled with mac and cheese. Again, not everyone on the spectrum is like this, but some are. For me, I only eat foods I can eat with my bare hands. Others go by texture and other attributes to determine what they will and will not eat.

Not only that, but meal situations make me extremely nervous. Recently, there was an alumni event here on campus. I thought I should go so I can meet people and perhaps possible donors to my own ministry.

Unfortunately, it was a meal.

As I approached the cafeteria, I felt nerves coming over me. I even tried to find the backway in so I could avoid all the people. When I got to the room itself, I was immediately quiet and didn’t really know how to respond to anyone. I used to be a lot more capable of handling this, but I also had my ex-wife with me at the time. That was a stabilizing factor that helped me overcome the anxiety.

You really lose so much in a divorce.

I remember when I joined my church here, and I have told my pastor this, that it was myself and three other single guys. The pastor pointed that out and said “What these guys would most appreciate”

And I’m standing there thinking “Yeah. Give us some single ladies that we can meet.”

The pastor continued, “Is for some of you to invite them over to your house for a nice meal.”

Inside, I’m screaming.

Unfortunately, when you struggle with social situations, this makes it even harder as when do most people connect socially? Unfortunately, it’s at meals. I try to go to these kinds of events on campus to interact, but it’s extremely difficult. Crawfest where everyone had crawfish, a staple apparently in New Orleans, had me just with my head lowered the whole time not looking around at anyone or anything as all the smells and sounds and sights were just repulsive to me.

In the movie, when Beth and Adam go to a restaurant together on a date, she orders a meal for him in another language. When it arrives, what is it? Mac and cheese. For me, this is the kind of thing I would appreciate with a lady, though not mac and cheese for me.

When you meet someone on the spectrum, I recommend not making assumptions about food until you get to know them better. They could have sensitivities and idiosyncracies in that area. I personally would much rather connect over a game or an intellectual conversation than I would over a meal.

I won’t tell you how the movie turns out, but next time, I will cover a series that is all about romantic relationships.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Meals

How about eating on the spectrum? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Many people on the spectrum have issues with food. Some of us have issues with texture. Some of us have issues with looks. It’s a bizarre thing. I only eat foods that I can eat with my bare hands and even then, I am really limited.

So what happens if you combine those foods with social gatherings?

To give an example, let’s talk about a big event on my Louisiana campus every year. Crawfest. Ah yes. All these people get together to eat these messy things that I can’t even stand the sight of and it’s so much fun for everyone.

Unless you’re someone on the spectrum but you go because you know you need to be social and who knows but that you might meet someone you really like there and could date and marry. Yeah. I don’t go for the food.

But while I’m there it’s awful. Last time I was wearing a hooded jacket and just sat and put the hood over my head. I couldn’t stand to look even. When I get in these situations, it’s the same way Clark Kent reacts to kryptonite.

Last Thanksgiving, being away from home, a professor invited me to his house with some other students and staff for Thanksgiving. I told him I would come, and I did, but to please not ask me to eat anything or offer me anything. To the best that I can recall, he didn’t do that.

Any time I have had to go to an event like this, it has been something that I have dreaded that aspect of and honestly, I cannot really tell you why. It’s just the way that I am.

Back when I was engaged to my now ex-wife, I recall well going to an event where we were going to meet some donors to my then seminary. I figured these people could also someday be donors to Deeper Waters so we went together. Things were going well until some servers came by and came to me and said “And what would you like sir?”

Deer caught in the headlights.

Until I felt a hand on my leg and I heard her say “He’s not having anything. He’s finicky, but he’s fine.”

I can tell you my ex-wife had more success changing my diet than anyone else did. Strange power women possess indeed.

So when you have a friend who is on the spectrum, be aware of any food sensitivities they might have. They might have none. My friend Evan Minton who is on the spectrum has zero issues here. I have plenty of them. It’s always best to go in knowing.

Also, if we do have something, don’t make a big deal out of it. I remember going to a Bible study event once at the house of some friends and this happened. It was incredibly embarrassing to me and I was depressed the whole evening. Weird? Yes, but that’s life on the spectrum for you.

Meals may be great for you and how you bond, but for the person on the spectrum, it could be the opposite.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)